Friday, May 22, 2009

show and tell bunnies: a frightful tale (spoiler alert!)

sometimes we get donations here at the library. usually they are crap that no one would ever want. but i've noticed that here at happy new shiny library, we actually get good donations of books that children would actually want to read! it really is a little slice of heaven here.

anyway, so going through some donations i came across this book. it was in excellent condition and i thought that it looked like a nice little story about the stress that is too often induced by show and tell.

but in fact this book is highly revolting! let me explain it to you ...

so this kid who is actually a bunny is buckling under the pressure of show and tell. it's fierce competition and he needs to bring in something good. but sadly he's got a whole lotta nothing. so he goes into his basement and he finds this weird lopsided silky ball. not interesting in and of itself. then he comes up with the plan to put the ball in a box, so no one can see what it is and then they just have to touch it and try to guess what it is. much like that haloween party game where you pass around a bowl of grapes in the dark and try to convince people they're really eyeballs. ah, genius! you have taken something boring and made it intriguing. very clever indeed.

everyone at show and tell thinks this is just fab. one girl exclaims, "ohh, it feels soft like velvet" (that's what she said). sadly though, by the time lunch rolls around the excitement of the silky ball wears off and now people are talking about some other newfangled show and tell item. ah, fame is a fickle friend.

but wait! all is not lost! when the bunny children return back to class they find something is amiss. when they go in for the big reveal to see what the mysterious object in the box was, it turns out that the silky ball is gone. what?! yes, now it is just a box full of spiders. say what?! yeah, it's a box full of effing spiders. the mysterious silky ball was actually a big old sac of spider eggs.

what happens next? do they recoil in horror? do they all scream like little girls, "ahhh, i touched a ball of spiders!" and run away scarred for life. no. they are thrilled. they're all "ooooh. ahhhhh. spiders." and then the teacher teaches an inspired lesson on spiders and thanks bunny boy for bringing in the best show and tell item ever. the end.

um, last i checked it was NOT COOL to bring a box of spiders to school (or the public library. don't get any ideas) this is more revolting than narcoleptic veterans.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

am i a swine floozie?

so there have been swine flu outbreaks all over our fair city, forcing several of the local schools to close. now, i am off to belize in less than two weeks and the LAST thing i need is an outbreak of the swiney flu. in response to this we have canceled some of our programs that are more "hands on," we have a barrier up by the desk so the kids can't hang all over us, we're using lots of hand sanitizer, etc etc etc.

then i thought that since the kids are out of school we should put out some stuff to entertain them (please read: keep them away from us) so i printed up some word searches about spring and dinosaurs and astronauts. and then, just for fun, i printed up one about germs. is that wrong? who doesn't want to search for the words like "virus" and "infection?" nonstop fun.

anyway, as strict as i have been about germ warfare i fell victim to cuteness today. this dad came up to me with this super shy little girl hiding behind him. and he told me that he and his daughter were here for the first time yesterday and that his daughter instantly recognized me today because she had seen me "clapping and singing" (at story time) on monday. and then he said that his daughter would really like to hug me, and then he politely asked, "would you mind please giving my daughter a hug?" how can you resist that? i hugged that little girl damnit! she was so freakin cute. and she liked my clapping!

so if i get the swine flu i have no one to blame but myself. i obviously have no self-restraint.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

why have i forsaken you?

oh dear blog readers, you have been so faithful to me and yet here i am such a fickle blogger now. oh the shame of it all! why is this so? well, for one i don't have much to complain about anymore. so that's a big chunk of material lost. and then, i am so busy with the children of happy new shiny library that i really cannot blog on the job. which of course i would never do as it would be "time stealing" and is completely reprehensible. and lastly, with most of my writing energies being turned to my novel, i just don't have the passion for the old blog that i used to. le sigh.

but here are some updates for you all before i bid you adieu ...

i rode 25 miles out of the 42-mile 5 Borough Bike Tour. i would have made it the whole way except it was raining pretty bad and at about mile 15 i started to come down with a cold. by mile 20 or so i was completely miserable, and was also realizing that i would soon be near my neighborhood an could easily just go home. so at mile 25 i took a detour to the lovely peter pan bakery and got myself tea and crullers. (i did not know this, but i am actually such a skilled biker now that i can drink tea while riding!) then i proceeded home and got into my pajamas post haste.

now, i was riding the whole time with ms bitchcakes (who made it to the very end!) and when i told her my donut and pj plan she asked me if i was sure i wanted to quit, because i may regret it. while i truly appreciate her concern, i must say that leaving the bike tour was one of my best decisions. it was such a good decision that it made me ponder and recollect my other great decisions in life. here they are (in chronological order):

1. sneaking out of a "dry" lip sync party - my ex fiance and i had been invited to a lip sync party, which would have been fun until we learned too late that there was NO ALCOHOL. we felt trapped and scared (it was terribly awkward being sober and trying to socialize with lip synchers). within minutes of arriving we were dreading ever coming. eventually i came up with the briliant plan that we should pretend that we had forgotten something in the car, and then drive off into the sunset never to return. and once we were in the safety of the car, making our way to a fine drinking establishment, i turned to him and said, "fiance, that was the greatest decsion we have ever made." he wholeheartedly agreed.

2. leaving my ex-fiance - this was a very difficult and painful decision. but i have never regretted it, which i think is the sign of excellent decisions. (he did not wholeheartedly agree with this one)

3. moving to brooklyn - who wouldn't want to live in fab brooklyn? but i pretty much left my whole life behind to start anew, so it wasn't so easy.

4. leaving the bike tour

so since that great decision, i have been in bed for 3 days with a very bad cold. but! silver lining! i have had a serious decrease in appetite and i have lost a couple pounds. not to mention that in my post-weight-watchers non-diet diet, i have also lost a couple pounds ... putting me at 138.6! not too shabby.

and now my dear bloggers, i must return to my bolshevik (oh yeah, the bolshevik is back).