there's no business like library business

"is your library going out of business?" a patron asks, taking in her surroundings with a distraught look on her face. "cause it looks really sad in here."

yes, we are the bad news bears. please help us raise money for new uniforms or else the library will have to close. we're scrappy yet loveable, i swear.

today's subway reading guide

i saw someone reading She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. you are ten years too late lady, get with the program.

a sign from the confectionary gods

i saw it again ... the elusive heart-shaped cookie. this time in the film Stranger Than Ficion (which i highly recommend).

things are looking up for me, i can feel it

as far as i know, it is not a crime to be homosexual in the library

in a rare turn of events, a man comes into the library with a legitimate reference question. GED requirements or something like that. as i begin to help him, a small haglike woman interrupts me, stating that there is a man harassing her and making a scene and that i must help her this instant. somehow i immediately know, whether it be through spidey senses or some librarian clairvoyancy, that this woman is not being harassed in any way shape or form. so i tell the hag she has to wait. i continue to help legitimate-patron-man and we exchange looks as hag woman skulks off. when ready, i walk over to the hag woman. she begins pointing feverishly at a man sitting across the room from her. he is a lean man who moves in effeminate gestures. his lips move slightly as sits quietly reading a gossip magazine. i turn back to the hag.
"you should have seen him before," she tells me.
"he seems to be fine now."
"look at the way he's moving his mouth."
i look at him again, and then turn back to the hag. "he's not making any noise," i say. "if he wants to move his mouth while reading that's fine."
she begins to pack up her belongings in a huff, "he was loud before. he was shouting. and he was acting all homosexual."
"well," i begin, "as far as i know there are no rules against being a homosexual in the library."
"well, i'm not going to stay here," she declares. then she storms off for dramatic effect.
urgh.

is this in chinese?

woman holding up a dvd with large chinese characters on it, asking in disgust if it's in chinese. yes, that would be in chinese. what about this one? yes, that dvd with chinese people on the cover with chinese written all over it is likely to be in chinese as well.

smart girls finish last

i thought i was past this point in my life, but apparently not .... so i went on a date with a guy last night. he has a phd and a good job which involves lots of thinking. he also knows such terms as LoC classification, and can use it in a coherent sentence. so we're set, right? oh no, we are far from set. brainiac waxes poetic about his old psuedo girlfriend who is just super hot. he really loved her. i mean, she was really hot. now i am quite comfortable in my hotness, but even i was starting to feel uneasy. but then he says that she wasn't very smart, didn't have much motivation, is living with parents at age of 29, and is pretty much an all-around vacuous shopaholic ditz. so maybe this is ok. but then he gets all wistful and says he's worried he'll never find another girl like her again. "another flaky girl that isn't very smart or interesting or motivated or exceptional in any way?" i ask with much attitude in my voice because now i am pissed and i am also starting to wonder if we are going dutch because i should at least get a free dinner out of this. and what does he say in response? "but she was so hot."

grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

subway reading guide

today people on the subway were reading "Cat's Cradle" by vonnegut and "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by kundera. am i the only one who can identify books from across the subway just by their cover designs?