i am so bored

there is NO ONE in this library. why are we here? this is a waste of electricity being open. i have already completed an online crossword puzzle, fruitlessly searched for a new apartment, called my insurance company about my claim for my bahaman hospital visit, checked my e-mail three times, found out GHI doesn't believe art therapists are legitimate therapists, and checked the balance on my checking account. what's a girl left alone to her own devices in an empty library to do? wait ... don't answer that.

Hipster Olympics

it was new year's eve
and all through the library
nothing was stirring
not ever a slightly hungover librarian who's new year's eve eve party lasted longer than expected ...
anyway, i am tired and lazy and am a little bit sneezy. but my eye feels SO much better. when did this blog become the unorganized files of a hypochondriac? anyhoo, i refuse to do any work today. so here is a video for your viewing pleasure.

i am not a pirate

my mom once coined the phrase "one of my sports injuries" which is an ironic term referring to an injury that you sustain doing an activity that is the least athletic or least active thing possible . here are some examples of "sports injuries": getting a repetitive stress injury in your thumb from playing piano, hurting your knee from walking on sand, straining your neck from talking on the phone without having a job that warrants excessive phone use. so now, here i am, home laid up with the sport injury to end all sports injuries. here's how it happened:
the nubian god was waiting for me to come to bed so we could get some shut-eye (the nubian god is back!) and i was in the bathroom doing my evening bathroom routine. and as i am taking out my left contact i feel that it is completely stuck to my eye. what do i do? i tug on it really hard and yank it off, not realizing i am also taking off a layer of my cornea. then i return to the nubian god and tell him something to the effect of "ow, my eye hurts" and with one looks he tells me i have scratched my cornea.
so when i went to the doctor, i felt a little stupid. who scratches their own eyeball? but you have no idea how much this hurt. it hurt SO bad. i could barely keep my eyes open. so painful.
when i told the doctor the story he seemed a bit suspicious. but then once he put that yellow dye in there (which felt AWESOME! it was the only time ever that someone enjoyed that yellow dye. i even asked if i could take some home with me. the doctor promptly said no) anyway he takes one look at me and is in shock and says "my god! you have really damaged your eye!"
i felt really good about this because then i knew i wasn't just being a baby.
"yeah," i said, "it really hurts."
"i'm surprised you weren't screaming when you did this!"
"i'm pretty tough."
"you must be."
i am.
now this whole time i am fearing two things:
1. i will have to wear only glasses for an obscenely long period of time. like 5 weeks of only glasses.
2. he will make me wear an eyepatch. and although i saw a very handsome pirate the other day in the supermarket (absolutely true story. hey, its brooklyn) i do NOT want to wear an eyepatch.
so he begins to lay his diagnosis down ... he says my cornea is seriously scratched and it is at risk of infection. he mentions pus and i get all grossed out. i must take prescription antiobiotic eye drops.
check. will do. no problem.
then, and he warns me that this will sound strange ...
(please don't say eye patch, please don't say eye patch)
he tells me that i must wear ONLY contact lenses.
what?!
but wait, there's more! i can only wear contact lenses, AND i must wear my left lens on my injured eye like a bandaid for 5 days straight. no taking it out. my cornea cells will regrow and be shielded by the contact lens. (that's right. i lost so much cornea that my cornea cells need to regrow)
this is a contact lens lover's dream! never before has a doctor said to me, "whatever you do don't take out your contact lenses." this is awesome.
i was also instructed to use lots and lots of refresh eyedrops. he is also concerned about the dryness of my right eye but we will deal with that later.
anyway, so now i am home with my contact lenses back in and giving myself eyedrops on the hour. i feel better but it still hurts. but at least i do not look like a pirate.

now i would like to recap my illnesses of the last month or so:
veteran's day weekend: awful cold that left me on couch for several days
first week of december: bahaman flu that ended with me in the ER
last week of december: sore throat
last days of december: decimated cornea

only me.

a reply to an unsent message AND i scratch my own cornea

here i am at work on a saturday ... half blind because last night i took my contact lens out with such fervor that i scratched my own eye. the pain is ridiculous. i have made an appointment with a shady polish doctor. which means ... i can leave early and get said doctor to write me a note! i am going to milk this doctor's note thing for all it's worth.
anyway, you might be wondering to yourself, "miss dewey decimal mistress, why were you taking your contacts out with such fervor?"
well, my beloved blog readers ... it was because the long lost nubian was waiting for me. and you never keep a nubian god waiting.

a message i will never send

i deleted your number from my phone so that i could never contact you in a moment of weakness. but i've been thinking about you and i just wanted to say hi ... so hi.

-m

satisfactory

happy christmas eve! let me explain to you the logic behind me being at work today: all the libraries in the system are open 1-8 on mondays. but today we are open 10-1 since it is a holiday. we are doing this so that patrons have some library service today. however, how many patrons are going to think that we are open at 10 when on every other monday EVER we open up at 1. my prediction? there will be loads of patrons coming at 1, trying to make their way in here while we are trying to go home. so far we have had 7 patrons. one hour to go.

another exciting thing that happened today is that i got my 6 month evaluation. it turns out i am a "satisfactory" employee.

• i order books and weed the collection in a timely fashion.


• i offer costumer service to both children and adults and make use of all resources the library provides.


• while providing costumer service to patrons i simulatenously give lessons on how to use the library


• i give instruction on the computers


• i "merchandise" library materials according to library standards


• i create children's programming


• i have started The Newsflash, a newsletter with art and writing submitted by the children


• i coordinate with local schools


• i pay close attention to the specific recreation and education needs of the youth, which is reflected in circulation records


• i recruit children to participate in the Read Down Your Fines program


• i am confident in my own abilities, but do not shy away from asking for help if neccessary


• i perform my duties according to library standards


• i am an automaton

at first i was a little disappointed to be considered only satisfactory, but then i found out the only options for your first performance review are satisfactory and unsatisfactory. so then i didn't feel so bad. my manager did make mention to some specific things i do with the children. there was one bullshit comment about me working harder to keep the children's room neat during afterschool hours (ie, free of all children), but besides that i think it was as good as it could be. it is the best of all possible worlds.

presents!

this girl just came in, she's probably in fourth grade. she has SO much attitude. i can't even describe it. she is constantly fighting with me, the other kids, everyone. several times i've had to kick her out of the library. i don't like to say that i hate a child. but i do not like this child. anyway, she just came over to me to show me this little blue felt santa bag that has a little body of scented body wash in it and a few pieces of candy.
"that's cute," i say, "did you get that at school?"
"i bought it," she says , "it's a gift."
"oh," i say. i am so slow. "who's it for?"
"it's for you."
then she leaves it on the desk and walks away.
i thank her and sit in shock contemplating how this attitude-filled trouble-maker actually likes me. at least a little. then thse two boys see that she gave me a gift and they walk over with little bags of candy and they give me the litttle bags of candy.