Wednesday, December 3, 2008

apparently, i am also thankful for pants

you may have noticed that i have not spoken about svelteness lately. that is because svelteness is at an all time low (weight gain being at an all time high). you may be wondering to yourselves how this could possibly be so. "how could this poissibly be so, miss dewey d?" is how your wondering probably sounds in your head. "with all your punking rope and semi-reasonable eating habits? how could this be?" well, i'll tell you ... i blame the hives.

that's right, the hives! you see, i stopped mentioning the hives. not because they have gone away, but because they are so god damned annoying i can't even stand to discuss them. but i am on some super powerful meds to keep the hives at bay, but these super powerful meds also seem to keep the svelteness at bay as well. ... oh, long lost svelteness, how you have foresaken me!

anyway, this lack of svelteness has created a bit of a problem when it comes to the issue of pants. this issue being that i can no longer fit into my tight jeans (which as a resident of billyburg is a serious problem. i am lucky i have not been ejected from The Paradise in some sort of biblical fashion).

i have implemented a new plan which i call "shock and exercise" in which i will shock my body with intense exercise in hopes of tricking it into losing weight. i am proud to say that i have been going to the gym every other day for two weeks now!

now, if you've ever had to cram your non-svelte self into a pair of tight jeans which no longer fit you, you will know that it's not a pretty sight. and it doesn't do much for the self esteem. not at all. so i broke down and bought a pair of my favorite jeans on ebay (citizens for humanity straight leg "avedon" jeans. love them. maybe one day i will tell you the story of how i contacted citizens of humanity regarding my old fave pair, which are actually limited edition and i can only assume are priceless in value).

ANYWAY, the jeans arrived yesterday and it was SO nice to put them on and feel what it feels like to have a pair of jeans not cut off the circulation to your legs. and even though this pair is a whole TWO INCHES bigger in the waist than my beloved limited edition pair, these look so much more flattering as they actually fit the current state of my body. and of course they are still "tight fitting" (but in a comfortable way) so i am not at risk of expulsion from the 'burg. phew. what a relief.

so last night at around midnight was my first opportunity to try on these new jeans, and of course i was so filled with excitement that i felt i had to tell the bolshevik about them asap. can you believe that he is not interested in discussing the crucial topic of jeans at 12:03 on a school night? what gives?! he said something about sleep and tiredness. whatevs.

and that dear blog readers is why i had to bore you with this tale. because i know you guys will be happy for me and my new jeans which make me feel a little less unsvelte (as long as i don't look at the size tag).


*Bitch Cakes* said...

You are correct! I, for one, am so excited for you and your jeans! I have no doubt the svelteness will return, but in the mean time, it is much better to be wearing jeans that fit you and that you love.

Speaking of, I've pretty much outgrown everything I own. We will re-achieve svelteness together, darn it!

PS Tell the bolshevic to check the fine print, I'm sure he signed up for these 12:03 phone calls.

Miss Dewey Decimal said...

um, i think the 12 am phone calls he signed up for are quite different in nature ;)

Miss Dewey Decimal said...

anyway, i'm sorry to hear you're having this trouble too. UNITED WE SHALL BECOME SVELTE AGAIN!

Peonys said...

those pants do look good. you've got to tell me more about them... are they made in the US and not in sweatshops... from the name of that brand I wonder.

You'll get back into shape, especially getting to the gym more often.

Miss Dewey Decimal said...

as far as i can tell, there is no statement on their website that they are sweatshop free. although, on one site it lists them as one of the few jean manufacturers that really make their jeans in the US or the EU. but i guess they could still be made in sweatshops in the US or EU. either way, they're kick ass jeans.