not rollerskating ... almost as fun as actually rollerskating

so last night after trying out greenpoint's new korean restaurant (little korea, very yummy), miss fifi and i went to down and derby at studio b. here's the idea: take a bar, put down a roller rink type floor for an evening, then invite hipsters in short shorts and afro wigs to go skating whilst consuming alcoholic beverages. it's a great idea, hence why miss fifi and i were there. but it totally sucked. here's why: first, we got there 15 minutes after the doors opened. it is unheard of to arrive anywhere so early. and yet we had to wait 45 minutes in the cold. let me start off by saying that i heart gay men. i really do. i have never met a gay man i didn't love. until last night.
we were standing in front of the most obnoxious group of whiny queens ever. these boys did not shut up. also, these boys had no idea of personal space and almost steamrollered poor miss fifi who is not as vertically endowed as some of the rest of us. anyway these queens went on and on about how they just couldn't believe they were in brooklyn waiting on a line for a party. in brooklyn. oh my god. get over yourself. if this were 7 years ago i could understand where you are coming from. but alas we are in the now, so get with the times sister.
then once inside we had to wait on yet another line to get skates. of couse miss fifi had brought her own skates (being a roller derby goddess) but she was a good enough pal to wait in line with me. so after about 30 minutes on the skate line we eventually get into the skate rental room, where we are immediately told that only women's size 4 skates are left. that would have been very helpful if i was an 8 year old girl. sadly, my 9 1/2 feet are not squeezing into a pair of 4s.
so miss fifi and i were left to wander around and stare at hipsters, which is of course fun in its own right. but not as fun as roller skating.
at around 12:30 we went back to the skate rental room to find complete and utter chaos. it was kind of like the floor of the stock exchange. the masses were shouting out the sizes they needed and then every so often the girls behind the counter shouted the sizes they actually had. and that is when i noticed that the girls behind the counter had a lot of skates that they weren't distributing. and that they were kind of messing with the crowd and joking around in a oh do you really want skates? kind of way. how bad do you want your skates? it was pretty ridiculous. and that is when i turned to miss fifi and said, let's get the hell out of here.
and then we left and got some hot chocolate. sassy pictures of me and miss fifi in our skating outfits (sans skates or any actual skating) will be posted later on flickr.

i'm a writer ... not an alarm clock

i think there are only three people in the world who will understand the title of this post (i hope you know who you are, my fellow bahama adventurers). don't expect me to explain it to the rest of you suckers.
i had quite a revelation this morning ... i realized that i am in fact a writer. i write this blog every day. EVERY DAY. not only that, i am currently writing a novel. i am not just saying i am writing a novel. i am actually doing it. so what do you call a person who is writing every day, both in blog and print form? well, i believe that person would be considered a writer. pretty cool, no?

thank you gods of justice and rock n' roll

on the one hand, the month of march has taught me that everyone reads my blog and i should probably just shut the hell up. but by golly, you just can't keep a good woman down ...

last night i went to see my friend's band, the naked heroes, play at trash bar. they are awesome by the way, everyone should worship them.

anyway ... i wore liquid eyeliner. i looked hot. my bestest friends were there. we danced around. i drank cheap beers.

in walks the glam rocker, and my god did i play it cool. oh hello there glam rocker ... why yes it is lovely to see you as well ... i read this article that may be of interest to you ... take care then, ta ta! seriously, i could not have played that situation any cooler. point 1: me!

most likely nothing will come of this situation, but damned ... it felt nice to have something go right for a change. and at the end of the night i walked myself home through the empty streets of brooklyn, singing songs on my iPod and feeling good.

stress dreams, story times and my desire to sign with primates

this morning i had another story time, today it was with my usual kindergarteners. i think i am getting way better at this because today these kids just ate up everything i did. we read: Mouse Paint, Go Away Big Green Monster (they CHEERED when i brought this book out), I Ain't Gonna Paint No More, Don't Let Pigeon Drive the Bus, Piggies, Wheels on the Bus, and a special jungle version of If You're Happy and You Know it. instead of the usual happy-and-you-know-it things there were animal related ones like roaring if you are happy and you know it. or scratching your fur if you are happy and in fact know it. they LOVED it. it was really fun. so there you have it, i am now an expert story timer. who would have thunk it.
in other news .... i have had several signs from the universe about the glam rocker. now, i haven't seen him in months, but i happen to know that he will most likely be at my friend's show tonight. that's not really a sign. however, two nights ago i had this weird dream of romance past and the glam rocker was there and so was my ex-fiance as well as an ex-not-to-be-named. and in the dream i needed to do something work related and i was going to be late and i was all stressed out over it, and all these Xs were getting in the way. weird.
but that is not all!
then this morning one of the glam rocker's songs came on my iPod. i didn't even know he was on my iPod!
so i believe the universe is trying to tell me something. of course, i have no idea what that something is. maybe it is saying that i need to go through and clean up my iTunes.
i must return to my work of finding sign language websites for kids. you would think there would be many, but alas there are few. i did however find this wedsite with pics of that gorilla who learned sign language. gorillas are so interesting. they look all thoughtful like big hairy people. it really made me want to hang out with gorillas and sign to them. so far i have only learned how to sign the phrase, "hello my name is miss dewey decimal. what's your name?" not all that helpful when communicating with primates.

observed

i don't think that i mentioned (or maybe i did) that as part of my "new librarian" training i had to be observed doing a story time. now, i have become a lot more comfortable in my story times with the little ones, but i was still apprehensive about being observed. who likes to be observed? not me. but anyway, the woman who is charge of observation is the sweetest lady ever and i like her a lot, so i knew it couldn't be that bad.
my class of 16 two and three year-olds came in, fifteen minutes early. and it was great. i was totally ON. here's what we did:
1. greeting my friend monkey, the monkey puppet
2. farmer nat (lift the flap book in which kids guess which animal farmer nat will be visiting)
3. "touch your nose" game (i especially like the part where you touch your knees then pretend you have to sneeze)
4. where's spot (the kids have actually memorized which animals are hiding where. all from last week! these are smart pre-schoolers)
5. itsy bitsy spider (so easy ... and yet so entertaining)
6. five little monkeys (with puppets)
7. stretch break, with game "head and shoulders"
8. brown bear, brown bear by eric carle
9. zookeeper sue (surprisingly similar to farmer nat, but in a zoo)
10. i'm a little teapot (i wasn't crazy about this. didn't go over as well as i'd hoped. i will not pretend to be a teapot in the future. i mean really, i am nothing like a teapot. i am not short and stout. i am more tall and lean. what kitchen items are tall and lean? a rubber spatula maybe? i don't think that would make a good song.)
11. charlie chick (pop-up book, oh how i love pop up books)
12. it looked like spilt milk (who doesn't like guessing what spilt milk looks like?)
13. wheels on the bus song (with oversized book)
14. goodbye song
whew ... i did a lot of stuff. oh, and somewhere in there we sang if you're happy and you know it. anyway, after the children left the observer told me that she thought i did a great job and that i am a natural with children. yay! then i admited to her about how nervous i get and she said that everyone gets nervous before storytimes, even after they've done them a million times. oh, and this part is the best, then she said that she had never seen zookeeper sue before and she loved it because zookeeper sue is such a positive female role-model. so true, too often women are excluded from careers in zoology.
and that, my dear blog readers, was my morning. not too shabby.

happy belated easter

i bet you are not aware of the trials and tribulations which face peeps everyday trying to use the library. oh yes. peeps have a long and hard road before them. thankfully, the good people at the millikin university library have documented their study on peep library usage (see picture at left of peeps learning about library of congress subject headings). this easter, i urge you to click here and familiarize yourselves with the plight of the peep.

taking a break

so when ms. assistant and i come up with our monthly calendar sometimes there are holes in it and we have no idea what to put there (we have not even started our april calendar yet. gasp!) last month when we were all frazzled and burnt out with no idea what to do on the last two mondays of the month, we turned to my favorite kid and said, "hey ... favorite kid, what should we do on the last two mondays of march?" and he said that we should make fake money and color it in.
now, that it NOT a good idea for a program. not at all. but then i thought about it and i decided what WOULD be a good idea for a program would be if we had the kids make fake money and buy fake stuff from fake stores and then make fake change. because when i am helping the kids with money related homework problems they need a lot of help. A LOT of help. and thus the program Spending Spree was born.
so today was the first day of spending spree ... i explained what a business is and then the kids decided what type of business they would like to make. each kid made a sign for their business and a list of a few items their business would sell. next week we will make fake money and the kids will go around to the various businesses and buy fake items with their fake money and the business owners will make fake change. it's fun ... and they'll learn stuff.
who is brilliant? me.
so after a while i went back to my desk to work on my book order and one of the kids came out and told me that he was on a fifteen minute break.
"huh?" i said cleverly.
"you know," he said, "from work ... at my business. i'm on a break."

sometimes kids come in looking for books

there is this teen that comes into the library and he actually reads books. i know, incredible. anyway, for a while he would ask for books and i would help him find them or i would reserve them for him. then one day he noticed that i knew about these books and sometimes if we didn't have one of these books he was looking for i would say something like, "oh, but this book is good, try this one instead." and then it kind of dawned on him that i too read books and that i know which ones are good. shocking. so now we have this nice little routine where he comes up to me and just says, "i need a book," and then we walk to the YA area and i pull a bunch for him (i do this out of the awesomeness of my heart, even though i am not the YA librarian)
SO, last week i gave him the book finding lubchenko (he had asked for beyond the chocolate war by cormier but we don't own it). i said something like, "it's about a wise-ass kid who hates school and becomes involved in international espionage." well, he was sold instantly. today he came back and said he had finished finding lubchenko, loved it, and wanted the sequel (which we don't own but i put in a reserve for him. did i mention that i reviewed the sequel for school library journal? well, i did.) and then he said he needed a book for "right now" and i gave him acceleration by graham mcnamee, telling him it was about "a smart-ass teenager who works in the lost and found at a subway and finds the diary of a serial killer and decides to track him down." again, he was sold instantly. then he commented that he felt that it was dangerous to track down serial killers, and i concurred and we both agreed that these matters are best handled by the police, but he took the book nonetheless. and i walked back to my desk feeling good that there is one young person actually reading books in my library.

we have a winner

just in case you were wondering who would win the Unpack All Your Boxes moving competition, the official winner is ME! miss dewey decimal! yay! i officially have unpacked all of my boxes (although there are a few random things of mine laying around that the roomie and i packed last minute. and when i say packed i mean that we randomly threw a bunch of crap into a box hoping to sort it out later). anyway, here are the items that are officially missing, never to be seen again:
1. my OXO plunger - have you used OXO products? they are amazing. i also heart their garlic press.
2. my bathmats - luckily i purchased a new mat from the dollar store. i don't know if it is intended for bathroom use but it is blue with ugly pink flowers, so who cares?
3. my food processor - how do you lose a food processor? i don't know. but apparently, i've lost mine.
4. my medium sized saucepan - we have a small saucepan and then the large cauldron type pot i got as an engagement present back when i was engaged (oh how little you know about me! never knew i was sentenced to death ... i mean marriage), but where is my medium sized sauce pan?
so if you see any of these items, please alert me immediately.
otherwise things are good. ms. bitchcakes was nice enough to give me not one but TWO fiber one ceral bars last night. i had one for breakfast, caramel and oat, it was AWESOME! i must get more and make them a part of my new morning ritual. also, ms. b. cakes gave me this cool reading is sexy bumper sticker. ahhhh, miss b. cakes ... you make me smile. did you by any chance happen to see my food processor?

Ruthe B. Cowl, 1912 - 2008

most of you probably don't know that i come from a long line of extremely strong and independent women. dare i say that i come from a line of strong bad ass women. and if i had to pick one woman who was the epitome of this it would be my great great aunt Ruthe Cowl, who sadly passed away monday at the age of 96.
my aunt was a truly remarkable woman. she devoted her life to making the world a better place. i don't think you can say that about many people and really mean it. i cannot begin to try to list her accomplishments. i wouldn't do her justice. i think this obituary from the Laredo Morning Times gets the idea across well.
Not only was she the dedicated executive director of laredo's first rehabilitation center (which she founded), but she was also a major benefactor to the national yiddish book center, always striving to preserve jewish culture.
i wish i knew her better. i remember looking forward to her visits when i was a child. sadly i never got to spend much time with her as an adult. but i like to think that we were kindred spirits.
she was completely fabulous, with a bold sense of style (as seen in this picture). she collected art and jewelry and antiques from her travels all over the world. it was not uncommon for her to be written up in the society pages just for having lunch.
i really only knew her through the grand tales my mom would tell me about her. like the time she single-handedly integrated a "white only" country club. or the time when as a young woman she decided she would spend 6 months in guadalajara.
i guess it's hard to eulogize someone you never really knew. but through stories i did know her. and i always looked up to her as the ideal of what a woman could be.

a librarian's idea of a good time

oooh, i have just started adding labels to my postings. it is addictive. it's like having the power of OCLC or library of congresss! i, of course, will be making my own subject headings as opposed to using the controlled vocabulary of LOC. what fun! but i must stop and do actual work because i can already tell that i could do this for hours.

stupid teacher assignments: part 1

find information on pi day. now, please understand that it took a good 20 minutes for the child to communicate with me that she was referring to pi and not pie. but who wants to celebrate pi anyway?! i'd much rather celebrate pie. especially a good apple pie. or maybe pumpkin, if you're feeling autumnal.

missing: annoying child ... reward if not found

Annoying Child's mom just walked in, i'd never met her before. and she asked me where Annoying Child is. thankfully he is not here. maybe he will get grounded or something and not be allowed to return.

what a difference a day makes

i approached the library this morning ten minutes early, again. newspapers in hand, again. and there was a loud alarm sounding from the building. i immediately assumed that someone had broken in and it was somehow my fault. then i saw that the door was unlocked. i panicked, trying to remember if i had locked up the night before and then i remembered that ms. manager had locked up, so if something was amiss it was not my fault. phew. as i walked in i began constructing scenarios of "inside jobs" where employees with keys may have broken in and stolen all our dvds. turns out it was just that the clerk came in early and forgot his code for the alarm. so i shut it off, crisis averted.

ms. manager is out today and while we were opening up the building there was much chatting and joking around and the environment here was downright pleasant for all. amazing. it was like a little glimpse of how nice life could be under slightly different circumstances.

then i had 14 two and three year olds come in. i have been dreading this, but it was actually really good. in fact i think i like it better than the kindergarteners. these kids are entertained by anything. they're so easy to please! i love them! here's what i did:

1. introduce them to Monkey, my monkey puppet

2. Monkey leads us in a game of Monkey See Monkey Do
(just realized i forgot to play the Touch Your Nose Game. next time i guess)

3. read Where's Spot by Eric Hill (they loved this book! i remember reading it as a kid and it is still entertaining to guess where spot might be)

4. sang "five little monkeys" with use of 5 monkeys hand puppet. they ADORED the 5 monkeys hand puppet, whereas my kindergarteners were a little over it and wanted to see the book version)

5. read I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean by Kevin Sherry, which is one of my new favorite books

6. then did the rhyme Two Little Blackbirds

7. read Charlie Chick by Nick Denchfield (pop up books, gotta love 'em)

(forgot to sing If You're Happy and You Know it)

8. read A Good Day by Kevin Henkes (during which i had a small coughing fit and nearly died)

9. read Wheels on the Bus (i have an oversized version of this so its very exciting to look at while we all sing it and do the hand motions, although i have to admit i forgot the motion for the wheels going round and round and then had to copy one of the kids. it's all due to my coughing fit.)

10. then ended with my closing song of "The More We Get Together"

it went really well. even with the two things i forgot to do, i think a good time was had by all. i think soon i will stop freaking out about small children visiting. soon, but not yet.

losing my cool

i know i complain a lot about various things. but that is part of my charm, no? anyway, i think you would agree that i hardly ever complain about the children. and even though sometimes i might get frustrated with them (usually because of the pathetic education they are receiving), it is obvious that i love them. right? so i think i can say, without feeling too guilty, that the children drove me absolutely nuts today. seriously, i never say that, but today i really wanted to strangle many of the children.
they all had a half day today because of parent teacher conferences, so they came in at 12 instead of at 3. that is 3 whole extra hours of children. i was not prepared in my weakened ill state for this type of juvenile onslaught. and there is one kid whom i will refer to here on in as annoying child. man does he annoy me.
first, i was adding books to my women's history display and he comes up to me and asks me what it is. i say, "it's women's history month so i have all these different books about women."
"where are the men books?" he asks.
so i repeat. verbatim. "it's women's history month so i have all these different books about women."
"you need more books on men," he says.
so i ask, "were you listening to what i said?"
he says yes and then repeats back what i said, but still asks why i don't have more books on men on display.
my favorite kid happened to be within earshot and he tried to explain the idea of women's history month, but it didn't seem to sink in.
and he pretty much just annoyed me non-stop all day. first he kept asking when the program started (3:30, every day. EVERY DAY THE SAME TIME) and i kept telling him and he kept saying how bored he was and how he wished there was something to do. and then i said, "get away from my desk! you MUST learn to entertain yourself. starting now!"
then finally we had our program at 3:30 (it was actually a great program i made up about nutrition. and then we got to play "snack" bingo. i love bingo!) so as he is leaving he says loudly that women's history month is stupid and that women have never done anything.
so i pull him aside and say that what he said was very offensive to me. and i told him that i would never say something like that about him (at least not to his face) and then i said, "you come in here every day and me and ms. assistant have activities for you, and we help you with your homework. don't you dare insult us. we don't have to do any of this for you." and then ms. assistant chimed in and asked him about his mother and didn't he love his mother, who is also a woman. oh yeah, we totally double teamed him.
then after about an hour or so of fooling around and me telling him that he is "annoying me" and "getting on my last nerve," at 5:45 he asks me to find him a "baby book." i ask him what grade he is in and he tells me he is in third, but that he needs to do a book report and the library is closing in 15 minutes, so he needs a baby book. so i pretty much lose it and tell him that i absolutely will not find him a baby book. instead i give him a grade appropriate book and a lecture about time management.
and then i decided that instead of going to my novel writing class tonight, i would go home and eat lots of takeout and watch tv. because i am still sick and these kids irritated me to no end today. and so, dear blog readers, with that i am off to peruse my takeout menus and find a place for myself on the couch.

one step closer to being fired

just the other day i was thinking to myself how i was having a pretty good illness-free streak. i haven't gotten any strange bahaman stomach viruses, i haven't gotten laryngitis or sinusitis in a while, i haven't scratched out my own eye. and when i did my time sheet for february i noticed that i didn't take any sick days! or have any latenesses (as usual) and or any questionable stuff at all. i was on a roll. but last night i came down with the worst sore throat ever and i was up until about 4 am tossing and turning. and then my alarm didn't go off this morning and i think it was kismet that i was meant to stay home and nurse this sore throat. it really hurts! so i called in sick. ms. manager was in a meeting so i left a message, which i pray she gets. but i realize that i will probably be sat down for some sort of disciplinary hearing when i return. and i could go to a doctor and get a note, but a) i don't think that even helps anyway and b) it is kind of a waste of my time (what's she going to say? yes, your throat is in fact sore! well, duh).
and now i am home in bed obsessing over random work stuff: oh, yesterday i forgot to buy the newspapers and now i am calling in sick. i am so awful. OR yesterday i asked ms. manager to switch saturdays with me and now i have the nerve to call in sick on top of that. do you see how they effect me so? it's not right. i should be allowed to be sick, damnit!

women's history month: a frightening tale

i have a sore throat and i don't feel like being witty today. so i will just tell you that today we discussed women's history and i asked the kids to think of famous important women. it went something like this:
me: who are some famous important women?
kids: [sound of crickets chirping]
me: anyone
favorite kid: rosa parks?
me: yes, but can you think of someone that we didn't already discuss for black history month?
other kid: harriet tubman?
me: yes, but again, we discussed her for black history month. can you think of any other famous women?
kids: [silence]
me: okay ... do you know any of the women who fought for the right to vote?
other kid: rosa parks?
me: what did rosa parks do?
other kid: she sat in the front of the bus.
me: yeah, so it's not her. any one? any famous woman? any woman from history?
kids: [far off in the distance you could hear the sound of the educational system crumbling]
me: susan b anthony!
kids: who?
me: oh god.
and it pretty much went like that for the following women: clara barton, sandra day o'connor, amelia earhart, j.k. rowling, florence nightingale, condolezza rice, sally ride, eleanor roosevelt, sacajawea, etc etc.
to his credit, my favorite kid did mention hillary clinton. so that was good. other mentions were beyonce and some chick i never heard of from american idol.

thrice busted

i have been writing this blog for over a year now, as you probably know being my devoted followers and all. and never have i gotten into any sort of "trouble" in regards to my writing this. but this week i got myself into some sort of trouble, not once, not twice, but THRICE! that means three times.
first, the nubian god wrote me an e-mail yelling at me for my poor judgment in regards to men. this was actually unfair (although not entirely untrue) because he was mad at me for getting sexually harassed by the movers. do not blame the victim, nubian god! but then he said that really he was just concerned for my well-being. so that's ok.
second, my colleague from work read something i wrote in regards to him (which i felt was more making fun of me than making fun of him). but luckily he was pretty cool about it. in fact i think it was cool of him to call me out on it. so that was ok.
then third, i had a stolman upset and i needed the help of the polyamorist again. but when i txted him he told me that my stolman privileges had been rescinded. turns out he read the "stolman update." (who knew my blog was so popular?) rightfully so, he was not pleased. and really, i actually felt bad about it. i had so many issues that i grappled with after our breakup and it just felt good to have some sort of closure on those issues and know that i was over it and in a much better place. really that was what i was trying to express. i had no malicious intent, but re-reading the post there is definitely a mean-spirited undertone. i try not to be a malicious person. and it had been nice to chat with him and be on friendly terms. so i am debating about whether or not i should delete that post. i've never self-censored before.
anyway, in conclusion ... this week this blog has kind of bitten me in the ass. and i think i will be more careful in the future. but not too much more careful because that wouldn't be fun.

today's excitement: a recap

i am so bored ... so terribly bored. only 30 minutes left. LET ME OUT!

anyway, here's what's been going on:
1. i finished my women's history month display. it's very pretty. will post pics later when i find infamous camera cord
2. a white child walked into the library. i was shocked. that has NEVER happened. i literally did a double take and rubbed my eyes to make sure i was seeing correctly. but yes for about 10 minutes there was a white kid in here. i kind of wanted to talk to him and find out what his story was, but i couldn't really figure out how to do that without seeming creepy.
3. i was eavesdropping on a table of kids, out of fear that they were cheating on the weekly puzzle, and i overheard a 3rd grader bragging to the other kids about how he brought a knife to school. when asked why he did it, he just said, "because i was bored." the other kids didn't seem too impressed, so that was cool. the kid who hates hoboes said he thought that bringing a knife to school was a stupid thing to do, because if you fell down you could accidentally stab yourself. oh, kid who hates hoboes, how i love thee ... let me count the ways.

it's saturday morning ... do you know where your neighborhood librarian is?

ah, another saturday in the 'brary. but what is better about this saturday is that now that the senior clerk is gone, if i am imprisoned in the library on a saturday, i at least am imprisoned with our regular clerk, who is non-offensive.
i woke up early this morning so i could stop by dunkin donuts and get a large tea and whole wheat bagel (day one of my pop-tart-free existence begins!), then sang pretenders songs in the car on the drive over. then i came into a completely locked up library. let me tell you, there is nothing finer than walking around a dark empty library. everyone should have an abandoned library at their disposal. so i walked around in the dark, turning on all the computers. then i did the money, which i am now getting good at (because i do not suffer from any mental retardations, despite what ms. manager may think). and then the regular clerk came in and i was done with my library prep chores. la la la, so relaxing.
i don't believe i mentioned this, but thursday we did a science experiment. so exciting! we're making rock candy! so i went into the meeting room to check on the rock candy progress. so far, there isn't much going on. maybe by monday things will have improved.
oh, and yesterday i had a lovely day. first i went to a promising job interview at all all-girls school. it was very cool and not at all stuck up (i was worried about the stuck up factor). then i met up with my mom on strong island and we did some shopping. i found a very cute dress for the upcoming wedding. i also found a very cute dress that would be appropriate if i was going to a cotillion or if i lived in wonderland. it's betsey johnson. need i say more? anyway, i will post the pic i had my mom take in the dressing room. that is, if i ever unpack the usb cord for my camera.
and that dear blog readers is my exciting life thus far.

worry ... why do i let myself worry?

seriously, i get so worried and anxious before storytimes. i literally sit at my desk hoping the kids don't show up. they actually didn't show up yesterday because of rain, and there was much rejoicing by me. but then they came in today and as soon as they come in i really enjoy spending time with them. what is my problem? these kids are adorable and they all are so excited to see me. so we had a pretty good storytime. i was able to phase out the craft this time (the crafts take so much prep time) and just do more songs and activities. so here's what we did:

1. i had my monkey puppet, cleverly named Monkey greet the children
2. I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean by Kevin Sherry (this is a new book that is about a giant squid suffering from hubris)

3. If You Give a Pig a Pancake by Laura Numeroff (an old favorite, who doesn't love a tap dancing, maple syrup loving, prima donna pig?)

4. then we had a stretch break and did a round of "If You're Happy and You Know it"

5. I Ain't Gonna Paint No More by Karen Beaumont (the kids hadn't heard this one and they really got a kick out of it this kid painting himself. although they didn't pick up on the joke in the rhyme scheme "i'm such a nut, i'm gonna paint my ... what?!" think about it ... what rhymes with nut?)

6. then we did Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, but with this velcro glove thing that holds little plush monkeys on it. afterwards the kids said they preferred seeing the book version because the momma monkey jumps on the bed in the end. live and learn.

7. then i busted out an extra large copy of Wheels on the Bus and we sang it as i flipped the pages and the kids did the little hand motions that go with it.

8. Old Black Fly by Jim Aylesworth

9. then i took a little storytime risk ... i have this beautiful book of Puff the Magic Dragon that comes with a CD and i flipped the pages of the book as the CD was playing and i sang along. i was hoping the kids would sing along too, but it turns out they didn't know the song. even though they had assured me that they did know the song. anyway, it was very sweet at first but damned that is a surprisingly long song. i got bored halfway through. so i will never do that again.

but afterwards i gave them all their sparkly new library cards and gave a little speech about with great power comes great responsibility. and then they all hugged Monkey goodbye and left. overall, it was very good. i am already freaking out about what i will do with them when they return in two weeks.

morning, interrupted

so monday as i was getting ready for a job interview, i realized much to my dismay that there is no outlet in my bathroom. this has caused quite an uproar in my morning routine, as i absolutely have to blow dry my hair every day. see, my old routine went as follows:
shower
brush wet hair
get dressed
return to bathroom to put in contacts, moisturize face, take vitamins, apply deodorant.
then, even though i would have just gotten dressed, i would then take off my top so that i could dry my hair in my bra. why do i do this? i have no idea. i just get too hot under that blow dryer i guess.
then i would redress, apply hair product, then slap on some makeup, if i was in a makeup mood.
then lastly i would put on my shoes as to not "clomp around" and wake the roomie.
but now everything has turned into turmoil, since i have lost the ability to dry my hair in the bathroom. i am making so many trips up and down the hall. furthermore, i wound up blocking the door from my bedroom to my closet (i will fix this over the weekend) so i am walking into the hall then back into my bedroom to get clothes. and my hanging clothes are very far from my underwear and mirror. so even getting dressed is taking longer as i have to walk back and forth. oh, the dilemnas of having a spacious home!
this morning i think i really tweeked my new routine. i did a lot of change-ups, but i think it worked:
shower
brush hair, then stay in bathroom to put in contacts and take vitamins
(then i changed the bandage on my latest sports injury in which i sliced my finger open with a scissors)
walk to closet and pick out outfit (i am wearing my marc jacobs flapper-print baby doll dress! as seen at my new year's eve eve party)
go into bedroom and put on undergarments
apply deodorant
dry hair (in "beauty area" that i have created in my bedroom)
get dressed (except shoes)
go to bathroom to apply hair product, moisturize face, then apply makeup
put on boots
walk out the door at 9:09 am
now my second problem is that i am now without the kurdish bodega (sob sob, i never even said goodbye!) so i don't know where to get my morning tea. graham ave is a little far to walk to and then walk back to my car. so i decided to go to the corner of kingsland, even though that is on the project side of my block. and lo and behold there was a bodega right there that serves hot beverages. however when i asked for a large english breakfast tea with milk and one sugar they looked at me like they had no idea what i was talking about. then i helpfully pointed to their display of teas which are obviously never used. they forgot, in all the chaos, to put in the milk and sugar but i'm sure over the next few days i can get them trained. they also had the cherry frosted pop tarts i like.
made it back to the car by 9:19, plenty of time! so i warmed up the car and then made the unfortunate mistake of reading the nutritional label on the pop tarts. i think my pop tart phase is now over.
but i made it to work with time to spare. so i think i am getting used to this new life of spacious luxury in which i now live.
i am thinking about buying a vanity dressing table type thing for my beautification needs.

oh, nadine ... you are a traitor to your gender

Dear Miss Dewey Decimal
Unfortunately there was no payment transaction done through emove because the credit card was declined. As for your sexual harassment issue with the moving helpers you should definitely contact the authorities.

Thank you for contacting Moving Help® Customer Support.

Thank you.
Nadine
Moving Help® Customer Support Team



Nadine,
It is extremely troubling to me to see just how little concern eMove has for the character and behavioral standards of their movers. You can hide behind the technicality that my credit card did not go through and I wound up hiring these movers outside of your site. But the simple fact is that I got them from your site. They got my contact information from YOU, and then used it in a highly inappropriate, offensive, and unprofessional manner. What will your excuse be for the next woman who is harassed by a member of All Star Movers?

-Miss Dewey Decimal

correspondence with jesus

Dear Miss Dewey Decimal
Thank you for contacting Moving Help® Customer Support.We are sorry to hear that you incurred damages on your move. You certainly have the right to pursue the Moving Helper for any compensation.
We do not perform service nor do we endorse the moving helper or their services. If any damages occur you are to pursue the moving helper that serviced you for compensation not Emove.
Thank you,
Jesus
Moving Help® Customer Support Team
Looking for a clean and secure self-storage facility?
Visit http://www.emove.com/ to reserve at over 2,000 customer rated storage facilities all over North America. You are hereby on notice that this E-mail message is confidential and proprietary. THIS E-MAIL MESSAGE IS SPECIFICALLY INTENDED FOR USE BY THE RECIPIENT FOR WHICH IT IS ADDRESSED. AS THE DESIGNATED RECIPIENT OR UNINTENDED RECIPIENT, YOU ARE HEREBY PROHIBITED FROM ANY DISCUSSION, DISSEMINATION, DISPLAY, DISCLOSURE, REPRODUCTION OR COPYING OF THIS E-MAIL MESSAGE. ANY THIRD PARTY DISCLOSURE IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. IF YOU HAVE RECEIVED THIS E-MAIL MESSAGE IN ERROR, PLEASE DELETE.


Dear Jesus,
I am actually more upset that one of the movers sent me an innapropriate text message. When I gave my phone number to eMove it was so that I could be contacted regarding the scheduling of movers, it was NOT so that I could recieve sexual solicitations. Damage to my property aside, I feel violated that these men came into my home, know where I live, have my phone number and are now using it for their own personal amusement. I find it very upsetting that you did not respond to that portion of my e-mail. Do you condone this sort of behavior in movers? When I provide my phone number and address to eMove is this what I should expect? I understand that you do not endorse the moving help or their services, but I feel that you have some sort of responsibility to protect the users of your website from sexual harrassment. As I said, I have used eMove several times in the past and have had positive experiences. However, I now have serious reservations about using your site ever again (or recommending it to friends, which I have also done in the past). I would like to know what type of action you take when you are informed of this type of misconduct.

Sincerely,
Miss Dewey Decimal

stolman update

so when i was cursing ikea and complaining that the polyamorist was possibly the only person on earth who knew how to put together my intricate closet system my roommate looked at my quizzically and said, "just call him. i would have called him hours ago if i were you."
"but the last time i spoke to him i was so bitchy." i won't even tell you what i told him to put up his you know where.
"it doesn't matter," she assured me, "just act like nothing happened. guys love that. they hate conflict."
"really?" i asked, "you think that will work?"
"trust me," she said, "just act like it's perfectly normal to be calling him. i guarantee he will go along with it."
and lo and behold she was right. oh wise roommate! so the polyamorist came over last night and installed stolman. he brought his cute little dog with him too. i had really missed the dog. while he was here i also got him to fix my niagara falls lamp, which now lights up AND rotates! anyway, we chatted away as though it was perfectly normal for him to be in my new apartment assembling furniture, and i realized that not only am i so over him, but i am also so much better than him.
i recently told someone that break ups are a great time for self-improvement. and suddenly it occurred to me just how much self-improvement i have achieved since poly and i broke up. i have lost weight, started exercising regularly, invested in my wardrobe, made new friends, started writing a novel, travelled to amazing places, gotten excellent haircuts, continued on the path of being a strong independent women, etc etc. i have improved greatly, whereas the polyamorist is still a no good taking-everything-for-granted fool. (and he obviously stopped going to the beehive, so now he is a fool with a bad haircut)
and then when stolman was complete i walked poly outside. he mentioned twice that we should hang out again soon, and not wait another 18 months to see each other. to which i said, in my most non-committal tones, "we'll see."
and then i kissed him on the cheek, as we do in polite society, and there was this moment where i could tell he was contemplating whether or not to try to kiss me on the lips. i pulled away and felt his hand linger at my waist just a little too long.
"have a good night!" i chirped merrily, and walked back to my fabulous new apartment, knowing that I .... HAD .... WON!

an e-mail to emove.com

I had tried to reserve All Star Movers (Bronx, NY) for my move this past weekend, but something had gone wrong with my credit card and the order never went through. All Star Movers then contacted me by phone and arranged to help me move. Even though I did not technically hire them through your website, I feel I need to report to you how unprofessional these movers were. First off, they were very slow and they damaged a piece of my furniture. In general they were very unskilled movers. Then, the next day one of them sent me an extremely inappropriate text message (it was sexual in nature). When I called the manager to complain about this employees offensive behavior, he said he would look into it and get back to me. But I never heard back from him. I have used your site in the past to hire movers and I have always been extremely happy with the service I was provided. I feel you should know about this incident and consider whether or not you want this company representing eMove.

i am good for more than *one thing* ... i swear

after being sexually harrassed by the child therapist/african american jew and being pre-broken-up-with by the glam rocker, i have been filled with a slight bit of rage. i don't know, i just feel like everybody wants something from me, and they all seem to have some self-righteous feeling that they're entitled to it. i am beginning to think that men just view me as some sort of sexual playground that exists only for their amusement, to be frequented or abandoned at their will. this, dear blog readers, is not a nice feeling.
so when i received the following txt, i was enraged. ENRAGED:
hey how r u doin?
this is lou
me & my friend helped u moved yesterday!
i was just wondering if we could hook up?
wtf?! i hire movers, and they do a shitty job, and then they think i may be available for sex? grrrrrrr.
so i called the head of All Star Movers and reported this to him. he said he would be calling lou immediately and that he would get back to me on this matter. of course, i have yet to hear from him.
but to all you men out there i would just like to reiterate that i am in fact a thinking feeling person and i would appreciate it if even one of you could treat me as such.

p.s. i broke down and called the polyamorist. he will be stopping by to install Stolman.

have you met Stolman?

i have this fabulous fabulous closet system which i purchased from ikea several years ago. it is an intricate system of tension poles and bars which create a closet type structure. i love it. but unfortunately, since disassembling yesterday i seem to be struck with some sort of amnesia in regards to putting it back together. but miss dewey decimal, how did you ever install this thing in the first place? well that is the problem. the last two apartments i lived in i had my ex install it. he was quite useful when it came to these types of things. now, he is very keen to be friends with me, and had i not told him to "f#@% off" the last time he extended me a cordial greeting, maybe i could call him and ask him to help me install this. but alas, i did in fact tell him to f@$% off (i believe i said, to be exact, f@#$ off poly). and of course the instructions on the internet seem to be for a different model than the one i have, and the nice woman on the ikea help line was also unable to assist me. any ideas? anyone know how to put this together?

rolling in bubble wrap

urgh, i am taking a much needed break from moving: day one. woke up at about 9:30 and started packing up all my stuff. we have boxes piled all over the place with little pathways between them. it's kind of like a rat maze, which is appropriate since the mouse has returned. correction, mice. i believe the mouse i saw last night is in fact a different mouse from the first mouse i saw. but this will not be my problem for much longer!
then i broke down and paid $10 so i could get the audio version of bridget jones' diary from itunes and have been listening to it while packing. it is nothing like my novel, i don't know what everyone is going on about. then i went to the new staples across the street and bought a HUGE roll of bubble wrap. but i am being SO good. i am not popping all the bubbles, instead i am using it to pack up my dishes and glasses and other breakables. but i kind of dream of lining my floor with the bubble wrap and then rolling around on it. is that weird? anyway, i am so tired. i wish i could stop packing now.