show and tell bunnies: a frightful tale (spoiler alert!)

sometimes we get donations here at the library. usually they are crap that no one would ever want. but i've noticed that here at happy new shiny library, we actually get good donations of books that children would actually want to read! it really is a little slice of heaven here.

anyway, so going through some donations i came across this book. it was in excellent condition and i thought that it looked like a nice little story about the stress that is too often induced by show and tell.

but in fact this book is highly revolting! let me explain it to you ...

so this kid who is actually a bunny is buckling under the pressure of show and tell. it's fierce competition and he needs to bring in something good. but sadly he's got a whole lotta nothing. so he goes into his basement and he finds this weird lopsided silky ball. not interesting in and of itself. then he comes up with the plan to put the ball in a box, so no one can see what it is and then they just have to touch it and try to guess what it is. much like that haloween party game where you pass around a bowl of grapes in the dark and try to convince people they're really eyeballs. ah, genius! you have taken something boring and made it intriguing. very clever indeed.

everyone at show and tell thinks this is just fab. one girl exclaims, "ohh, it feels soft like velvet" (that's what she said). sadly though, by the time lunch rolls around the excitement of the silky ball wears off and now people are talking about some other newfangled show and tell item. ah, fame is a fickle friend.

but wait! all is not lost! when the bunny children return back to class they find something is amiss. when they go in for the big reveal to see what the mysterious object in the box was, it turns out that the silky ball is gone. what?! yes, now it is just a box full of spiders. say what?! yeah, it's a box full of effing spiders. the mysterious silky ball was actually a big old sac of spider eggs.

what happens next? do they recoil in horror? do they all scream like little girls, "ahhh, i touched a ball of spiders!" and run away scarred for life. no. they are thrilled. they're all "ooooh. ahhhhh. spiders." and then the teacher teaches an inspired lesson on spiders and thanks bunny boy for bringing in the best show and tell item ever. the end.

um, last i checked it was NOT COOL to bring a box of spiders to school (or the public library. don't get any ideas) this is more revolting than narcoleptic veterans.

here's to you, narcoleptic veterans of the world

you may recall that several months ago i wanted to purchase a book on veteran's day and found a review for this tome about a girl who was embarrassed of her narcoleptic veteran grandfather. there was much debate about whether or not this grandfather was narcoleptic, surely i had read the review wrong. it was even suggested that "narcolepsy" was most likely a typo meant to be "nationalism" or "neutrality." well, the book finally arrived and i have read it cover to cover so that i may report back to you, my beloved and devoted blog readers ...

vinni and emily are playing at pop-pop's house. vinni loves to play in leaves, but emily does not. pop-pop points out that people are different and like different things. he chooses veteran's day as an example to prove this (it is, of course, the obvious choice). people celebrate veteran's day in different ways: parades, flags, moments of silence, etc. pop-pop is shocked that the two second graders don't know what veterans are (he should come to library-in-the-hood and see that my 3rd-7th graders don't know what thanksgiving is or independence day). anyway, he is so shocked that his narcolepsy kicks in and he falls asleep on a hammock. while asleep he talks about puppies and honey flavored ice cream. mmmm, honey flavored ice cream.

we then learn a key plot point ... pop-pop was born with narcolepsy. he did not become narcoleptic from his time in the armed forces.

pop-pop is supposed to come into emily's class to talk about veterans, but emily is afraid he will fall asleep and embarrass her. but on class visit day, pop-pop arrives in uniform and wows the crowd. he then explains that although he was in the army he never fought in a war. but he is still considered a veteran.

so not only is his narcolepsy completely unrelated to him being a veteran, he didn't even fight in a war! what the hell is the point of this book?! i feel like kids would be so confused by this. he's a soldier but he never fought in a war. he has a disease, but it's totally unrelated to being a soldier. this man is the softest soldier ever. seriously, why not write a story about a veteran who actually fought in a war and maybe he has to walk with a cane or something because he hurt his foot in battle? at least that would make sense.

grrrrr.

narcoleptic veterans unite

as we've previously discussed, the children have a bit of a problem understanding popular american holidays. but i will fix this! i've ordered videos on holidays such as columbus day, memorial day, thanksgiving, fourth of july. i WILL NOT have another upset like last year's horrific story of thanksgiving.

so when i saw this book on veteran's day i thought to myself, "self, i should buy this for the children so that they will understand veteran's day." but if there was any doubt that i might order this book, i was then completely sold by this brief description:

"INTERMEDIATE -- Series: 2nd-Grade Friends. Book tackles Veterans Day and narcolepsy. Reccomend moderate."

narcoleptic veterans? count me in! i have so much to ask! is the veteran narcoleptic due to his/her tour or duty? or did this narcolepsy come into play later in life, for reasons unrelated to being a veteran. oh, i can't wait for this book to come in so that my questions can be answered.