I HAVE THE POWERRRRRR!

little girl: (holding a spongebob squarepants book) what level is this?
me: we don't have levels here. what grade are you in?
little girl: third
me: then you can read that book
girl: (eyes wide with excitement) yay, thanks!

and miss dewey decimal saves the day by allowing kids to read books that are interesting!

an easy reader a day keeps illiteracy away

today while routing in some books, i became re-energized in my plan to read one spanish easy reader a day. certainly, if i read a book a day in spanish it will help me to understand spanish better. no? but instead of an easy reader i couldn't help but read "if you give a pig a pancake" in spanish. what will happen if le das una panqueque a una cerdita? yo no se!

why must i improve my spanish, you ask? where might i be off to next, you ponder? well, my dear beloved poor forsaken blog readers i cannot tell you that just yet. but i will say this: when bolshevics wine and dine you on your one year anniversary, asking you in all earnestness if you will please do them the honor of running away with them ... the answer is always yes. si? si!

of course, i shall miss mi amor el bolshevik as he has just informed me that he will be going to panama for the holidays. ay dios mio!

the ultimate visual dictionary

i was going through our big ol' stack of donated books, and i came across this visual dictionary. now, i love it that people want to donate books to us. it's the thought that counts, and that is very thoughtful. oh shucks. but it is important to remember dear blog readers that "donating to the library" should not be synonymous with "throwing out the trash." i don't need your outdated encyclopedias, archaic textbooks, or old national geographic magazines (unless they have cool pictures for collages) .

now, there are several key ways (beyond looking at the publication date) to see if a reference book is outdated. does it make mention to such modern labor-saving devices as computers, cell phones, or the internets? (have i ever told you the story of my grandfather's old dictionary from the 40s that listed the definition for computer as "one who computes." see? useless.)

anyhoo, upon looking up the word "computer" in the index of this book i happened across an entry for "clitoris." say what?! i thought this was a kids book. well ... i had to check it out. get your mind out of the gutter, dear blog readers, it was totally clinical. although, surprisingly unclear if i wasn't already quite familiar with that portion of human anatomy.

alas, we shan't be adding this book to the collection. why? not because of a clitoral pictoral. but because in the "visual definition" of a computer, there is detailed depiction of an external CD-ROM player. seriously people, what am i supposed to do with that?

que pasa

oh dear blog readers, i am lucky if there are any of you left out there. it is quite the shame how i have forsaken you. so what's been going on?

we've had a crazy busy summer here at happy shiny new library. there are no less than a gajillion children here and it is quite overwhelming. we have weekly theme parties where we typically have attendance of about 100. i am quite looking forward to our "rock star" party next week where we will play playstation karaoke. yay! we've made some awesome crafts, had a videogame day, had an author visit. good stuff.

you may or may not know that the bolshevik has absconded to honduras as bolsheviks often do. he is studying the spanish and i am quite jealous because
1. i would like to live in honduras for a month and have hondurans do my laundry.
2. i really need to improve my spanish speaking abilities so that i can better communicate with the patrons of happy new shiny library.

so today i am cataloging some of the spanish easy reader books. for those of you who are unfamiliar, easy readers are books meant for K-2nd grade kids and typically only have a few easy words per page, often accompanied by big pictures. so now i am reading the spanish easy readers in hopes to improve my spanish. i have learned about the life cycle of a bear, or an oso as it is called en espanol. i have learned how to get ready for school. soy listo para ir a la escuela! but my favorite is this book about telling the truth (shown above). now i wish i could get a picture of this first page ... there are about 5 kids, all on scooters, and they have their arms crossed and are making very angry faces. they're like a little gang out 7 year olds. very intimidating. and in big block letters next to them it says DECIMOS LA VERDAD! that's right. this gang only tells the truth and all you liars out there better watch our of you will feel their scooter wrath.

and that's my day here at la biblioteca.

ko-ke ko-ko, co-co ree-co, and other nonsensical phrases

this is my new favorite picture book. i read it to the little ones today at storytime and they LOVE it. it's all about the different sounds animals make in different languages. like, in japan roosters say "ko-ke ko-ko" and in france frogs say "crew-ah, crew-ah." and apparently, according to the title, cows say "moo" everywhere. well, at least we can agree on that. you would not believe how much the kids enjoy making these new weird animal sounds. they were riveted. RIVETED! and surprisingly, it was easy to explain to them this concept of different cultures pronouncing animals sounds differently. i thought it was a rather complex idea, but they grasped it quickly. or maybe they just like making funny sounds. either way, this book is cool.

narcoleptic veterans unite

as we've previously discussed, the children have a bit of a problem understanding popular american holidays. but i will fix this! i've ordered videos on holidays such as columbus day, memorial day, thanksgiving, fourth of july. i WILL NOT have another upset like last year's horrific story of thanksgiving.

so when i saw this book on veteran's day i thought to myself, "self, i should buy this for the children so that they will understand veteran's day." but if there was any doubt that i might order this book, i was then completely sold by this brief description:

"INTERMEDIATE -- Series: 2nd-Grade Friends. Book tackles Veterans Day and narcolepsy. Reccomend moderate."

narcoleptic veterans? count me in! i have so much to ask! is the veteran narcoleptic due to his/her tour or duty? or did this narcolepsy come into play later in life, for reasons unrelated to being a veteran. oh, i can't wait for this book to come in so that my questions can be answered.

i can growl like a bear but i choose not to

today the wee little ones came in for a storytime. they really are cute. they're so small. we had a good storytime even though they were a bit rowdy and i felt that at any minute they could rise up and overtake me. but luckily they didn't. so it was fine.

we read the following books:

can you growl like a bear by john butler - it turns out that the kids can in fact growl like bears. they can also get out of their seats and start crawling like bears as well. just in case you were wondering.

zookeeper sue by chris demarest

brown bear brown bear what do you see by eric carle

charlie chick by nick denchfield

where's spot by eric hill

in the tall tall grass by denise fleming

all in all it was good. i feel like i need to switch things up and find some new books for next time. i'm getting sick of these books.

in other news a very strange thing has been going on at my library. at first i didn't want to mention it because i didn't want to jinx anything. but this has gone on all week and i feel i must comment. the atmosphere at my library has drastically changed this week. all of a sudden there is a friendly type environment, as opposed to everything being rife with tension. it's nice this new friendliness. it makes working here downright pleasant.

curious. very curious.

more fun than a barrel of bus puppets

i almost cancelled my class visit with the kindergartners today, due to the worsening of my perpetual sore throat. it kind of feels like i swallowed a large marble but instead of actually swallowing it, the marble is lodged in the back of my throat to obstruct the passage of important things like air and food. but i am a trooper. i will not call in sick or go to a doctor. that is for pussies. i will continue on with my life, martyr that i am, and in the end i did not cancel my class visit. i met with the little ones and a good time was had by all. they really love me now. we have a whole routine. i read:

is your mama a llama? (no she is a librarian!)
dear zoo

i'm the biggest thing in the ocean

baby bear, baby bear what do you see?

i ain't gonna paint no more

five little monkeys jumping on the bed

the hungry little caterpillar

it looked like spilt milk

the wheels on the bus

they have half these books memorized and they just love to shout out the stuff they know. they're so cute. somehow they convinced me to make a bus puppet with them next time. what is a bus puppet? that doesn't sound like a very fun puppet.

stress dreams, story times and my desire to sign with primates

this morning i had another story time, today it was with my usual kindergarteners. i think i am getting way better at this because today these kids just ate up everything i did. we read: Mouse Paint, Go Away Big Green Monster (they CHEERED when i brought this book out), I Ain't Gonna Paint No More, Don't Let Pigeon Drive the Bus, Piggies, Wheels on the Bus, and a special jungle version of If You're Happy and You Know it. instead of the usual happy-and-you-know-it things there were animal related ones like roaring if you are happy and you know it. or scratching your fur if you are happy and in fact know it. they LOVED it. it was really fun. so there you have it, i am now an expert story timer. who would have thunk it.
in other news .... i have had several signs from the universe about the glam rocker. now, i haven't seen him in months, but i happen to know that he will most likely be at my friend's show tonight. that's not really a sign. however, two nights ago i had this weird dream of romance past and the glam rocker was there and so was my ex-fiance as well as an ex-not-to-be-named. and in the dream i needed to do something work related and i was going to be late and i was all stressed out over it, and all these Xs were getting in the way. weird.
but that is not all!
then this morning one of the glam rocker's songs came on my iPod. i didn't even know he was on my iPod!
so i believe the universe is trying to tell me something. of course, i have no idea what that something is. maybe it is saying that i need to go through and clean up my iTunes.
i must return to my work of finding sign language websites for kids. you would think there would be many, but alas there are few. i did however find this wedsite with pics of that gorilla who learned sign language. gorillas are so interesting. they look all thoughtful like big hairy people. it really made me want to hang out with gorillas and sign to them. so far i have only learned how to sign the phrase, "hello my name is miss dewey decimal. what's your name?" not all that helpful when communicating with primates.

observed

i don't think that i mentioned (or maybe i did) that as part of my "new librarian" training i had to be observed doing a story time. now, i have become a lot more comfortable in my story times with the little ones, but i was still apprehensive about being observed. who likes to be observed? not me. but anyway, the woman who is charge of observation is the sweetest lady ever and i like her a lot, so i knew it couldn't be that bad.
my class of 16 two and three year-olds came in, fifteen minutes early. and it was great. i was totally ON. here's what we did:
1. greeting my friend monkey, the monkey puppet
2. farmer nat (lift the flap book in which kids guess which animal farmer nat will be visiting)
3. "touch your nose" game (i especially like the part where you touch your knees then pretend you have to sneeze)
4. where's spot (the kids have actually memorized which animals are hiding where. all from last week! these are smart pre-schoolers)
5. itsy bitsy spider (so easy ... and yet so entertaining)
6. five little monkeys (with puppets)
7. stretch break, with game "head and shoulders"
8. brown bear, brown bear by eric carle
9. zookeeper sue (surprisingly similar to farmer nat, but in a zoo)
10. i'm a little teapot (i wasn't crazy about this. didn't go over as well as i'd hoped. i will not pretend to be a teapot in the future. i mean really, i am nothing like a teapot. i am not short and stout. i am more tall and lean. what kitchen items are tall and lean? a rubber spatula maybe? i don't think that would make a good song.)
11. charlie chick (pop-up book, oh how i love pop up books)
12. it looked like spilt milk (who doesn't like guessing what spilt milk looks like?)
13. wheels on the bus song (with oversized book)
14. goodbye song
whew ... i did a lot of stuff. oh, and somewhere in there we sang if you're happy and you know it. anyway, after the children left the observer told me that she thought i did a great job and that i am a natural with children. yay! then i admited to her about how nervous i get and she said that everyone gets nervous before storytimes, even after they've done them a million times. oh, and this part is the best, then she said that she had never seen zookeeper sue before and she loved it because zookeeper sue is such a positive female role-model. so true, too often women are excluded from careers in zoology.
and that, my dear blog readers, was my morning. not too shabby.

what a difference a day makes

i approached the library this morning ten minutes early, again. newspapers in hand, again. and there was a loud alarm sounding from the building. i immediately assumed that someone had broken in and it was somehow my fault. then i saw that the door was unlocked. i panicked, trying to remember if i had locked up the night before and then i remembered that ms. manager had locked up, so if something was amiss it was not my fault. phew. as i walked in i began constructing scenarios of "inside jobs" where employees with keys may have broken in and stolen all our dvds. turns out it was just that the clerk came in early and forgot his code for the alarm. so i shut it off, crisis averted.

ms. manager is out today and while we were opening up the building there was much chatting and joking around and the environment here was downright pleasant for all. amazing. it was like a little glimpse of how nice life could be under slightly different circumstances.

then i had 14 two and three year olds come in. i have been dreading this, but it was actually really good. in fact i think i like it better than the kindergarteners. these kids are entertained by anything. they're so easy to please! i love them! here's what i did:

1. introduce them to Monkey, my monkey puppet

2. Monkey leads us in a game of Monkey See Monkey Do
(just realized i forgot to play the Touch Your Nose Game. next time i guess)

3. read Where's Spot by Eric Hill (they loved this book! i remember reading it as a kid and it is still entertaining to guess where spot might be)

4. sang "five little monkeys" with use of 5 monkeys hand puppet. they ADORED the 5 monkeys hand puppet, whereas my kindergarteners were a little over it and wanted to see the book version)

5. read I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean by Kevin Sherry, which is one of my new favorite books

6. then did the rhyme Two Little Blackbirds

7. read Charlie Chick by Nick Denchfield (pop up books, gotta love 'em)

(forgot to sing If You're Happy and You Know it)

8. read A Good Day by Kevin Henkes (during which i had a small coughing fit and nearly died)

9. read Wheels on the Bus (i have an oversized version of this so its very exciting to look at while we all sing it and do the hand motions, although i have to admit i forgot the motion for the wheels going round and round and then had to copy one of the kids. it's all due to my coughing fit.)

10. then ended with my closing song of "The More We Get Together"

it went really well. even with the two things i forgot to do, i think a good time was had by all. i think soon i will stop freaking out about small children visiting. soon, but not yet.

worry ... why do i let myself worry?

seriously, i get so worried and anxious before storytimes. i literally sit at my desk hoping the kids don't show up. they actually didn't show up yesterday because of rain, and there was much rejoicing by me. but then they came in today and as soon as they come in i really enjoy spending time with them. what is my problem? these kids are adorable and they all are so excited to see me. so we had a pretty good storytime. i was able to phase out the craft this time (the crafts take so much prep time) and just do more songs and activities. so here's what we did:

1. i had my monkey puppet, cleverly named Monkey greet the children
2. I'm the Biggest Thing in the Ocean by Kevin Sherry (this is a new book that is about a giant squid suffering from hubris)

3. If You Give a Pig a Pancake by Laura Numeroff (an old favorite, who doesn't love a tap dancing, maple syrup loving, prima donna pig?)

4. then we had a stretch break and did a round of "If You're Happy and You Know it"

5. I Ain't Gonna Paint No More by Karen Beaumont (the kids hadn't heard this one and they really got a kick out of it this kid painting himself. although they didn't pick up on the joke in the rhyme scheme "i'm such a nut, i'm gonna paint my ... what?!" think about it ... what rhymes with nut?)

6. then we did Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, but with this velcro glove thing that holds little plush monkeys on it. afterwards the kids said they preferred seeing the book version because the momma monkey jumps on the bed in the end. live and learn.

7. then i busted out an extra large copy of Wheels on the Bus and we sang it as i flipped the pages and the kids did the little hand motions that go with it.

8. Old Black Fly by Jim Aylesworth

9. then i took a little storytime risk ... i have this beautiful book of Puff the Magic Dragon that comes with a CD and i flipped the pages of the book as the CD was playing and i sang along. i was hoping the kids would sing along too, but it turns out they didn't know the song. even though they had assured me that they did know the song. anyway, it was very sweet at first but damned that is a surprisingly long song. i got bored halfway through. so i will never do that again.

but afterwards i gave them all their sparkly new library cards and gave a little speech about with great power comes great responsibility. and then they all hugged Monkey goodbye and left. overall, it was very good. i am already freaking out about what i will do with them when they return in two weeks.

which came first? the book or the movie? THE BOOK, GOD DAMNIT! PICK IT UP AND READ IT!

i support teachers, i really do. they have a tough job. but sometimes they make it difficult for me to support them. are they trying to make enemies with me? for instance, they are always sending kids in the library for these crazy projects and they tell the kids "the librarian will have a book for you on this!" but they never bother to check if a) a book on this was ever actually written or b) whether or not the library owns said book. for instance, we do not own a book on how tools have affected society. we have books on tools, that show pictures of hammers and screw drivers and describe their uses (we also have books on simple machines and pulleys), but nothing that discusses how society has benefited from tools. do you really need a book on that? can't you just look at a building or a car or a computer or a well-hung shelf to understand the importance of tools? did the teacher even think about this assignment before sending kids off to the library?
and don't even get me started on their antiquated mandatory summer reading lists that contain god knows how many books that are out of print. OUT OF PRINT! do a little research people!
but i digress to the rant at hand ... yesterday the kids come in and they are all excited to tell me about the field trip they went on. where did they go, you ask? well, this is new york city so there is a wealth of educational places to take children to, many of which are free or cheap.
let me list a few, just in case you live in a cave or are from out of town: the museum of natural history, the metropolitan museum of art, the children's museum of manhattan, brooklyn children's museum, new york hall of science, any number of botanical gardens, etc etc.
did my kids go to any of these places on their field trip? no. did they go anywhere remotely educational? no. where did they go? where? they went to the freaking movies. now, i love the movies. i see lots o' movies. but are you telling me that you can't find a better activity for children to MISS SCHOOL for than a trip to the movies?!
well, maybe this isn't so bad. what movie did they see? maybe the movie was somehow educational? maybe it related to black history month somehow? not so. they saw the spiderwick chronicles. ok, i thought to myself, that is at least based on a popular series of children's books. i bet the teacher had them all read the book and then they went to the movie.
so i ask my favorite kid, "favorite kid ... did your teacher have your class read the book before seeing the movie?"
"what book?" my favorite kid asks.
groan. sigh. shed a single tear. "the book the spiderwick chronicles."
"oh," he says excitedly, "they made a book about the movie?"
"NO," i shout, jumping away from my desk to where my spiderwick chronicles book display is, "there is a whole series of books that were written a few years ago and then they were so popular that someone made it into a movie."
then i hand him a book and he looks at it in amazement, as if he has not been surrounded by books every day.
then i gave a quick list of movies that he would know that are actually based on books: the wizard of oz, charlie and the chocolate factory, holes, the chronicles of narnia, harry potter, etc.
"did you teacher even mention that the movie was based on a book?"
"no," he says.
"maybe you should take this book out and show it to her," i say with a little too much attitude. "teach her a thing or two."
grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

paying it forward

i think i may have mentioned how much i love the kurdish people who run my local bodega. they have this son who is about 10 and sometimes he works the counter. he's a very bright child. very chatty. often he works at inappropriate hours, like 11 pm. but whatevs. the other day i came in and he looked at me all wide-eyed and he asked "you work in a library, right?"

"why yes," i said, surprised that i am now a local celebrity.

"maybe you can get a book for me"

"well," i explained, "my library is kind of far from here." really i could easily get him a book, i just don't trust anyone to return library items to me. i've been burned before. "what book are you interested in?"

"well," he began, "i don't know the title. but it's an adventure book. like action? but it's my adventure."

"you mean choose your own adventure?!" i exclaimed. "those are good." and then we had a lovely little chat about books and i pretty much told him that if any books mysteriously fall off a book truck they'll be his. i also suggested he visit the greenpoint library, but then he complained that they're never open. which is totally true. their hours suck. get it together greenpoint library!

now, one service we have here at the 'brary is that we give out these "explore the universe" passes to the museum of natural history. these passes get in one family of up to 6 people for FREE! (you must have children with you, so don't get any ideas) i always have a stash of these passes handy, but my kids can never use them. unfortunately, getting an adult to take them into manhattan to an educational institution is a very far-fetched scheme. at other libraries they are hot ticket items that people fight in the streets for. but here the passes just sit in my desk drawer collecting dust, waiting for the day that someone can actually use them. so sad, shed a single tear for the children of library-in-the-hood.

i took one of these passes and i gave it to the kurdish woman at the bodega this morning as i was getting my large tea and organic pop tarts. i have not yet told them that i am moving. i will miss them so much. so i go to the counter and present her with the pass and i try to explain what it is. sadly, her english isn't that great and i didn't think she was understanding what i was saying. so finally i just said, "its a really big museum in manhattan. your son will like it. they have dinosaur bones."

then she said something in broken english, i think it was that her son liked talking to me. then i said, "he's a smart kid." and i left.

p.s. just as a side note, yesterday morning the kurdish man offered me a job at the bodega. saying that i am very nice and they could use someone like me. i said i would keep it in mind if my current job doesn't work out. then he told me that i am very beautiful. and that, in fact, all jewish women are very beautiful. man, i am really going to miss this place.

i am so YA it's painful

so i spent this morning preparing for part two of my mother goose workshop. grrrrrrr. it took me forever to find an appropriate book. in fact, i don't even know if it is an appropriate book. i just gave up looking. and while i was perusing a book about storytimes and fingerplays and sing songy nonesense, i came across several songs and clapping games about loving each other and hugging and being a happy family. i seriously almost threw up in my mouth. i am so not cut out for small children. i am a young adult librarian! hear me roar! i can work with tweens. i can even have large amounts of success working with grade schoolers. but i cannot handle infants. don't make me do it. please. i promise you it will not turn out well.

a traitor in williamsburg

oh ... this isn't the williamsburg i was thinking of. silly me. although, i bet cloaks will come back any day now. better get your authentic cloak now or else you'll be stuck buying a "fake" one at brooklyn industries. but i digress.

today i had a class visit with 20 5 year olds. i read them:

this little chick

go away big green monster (with fun puppet action! always a fav!)

there was an old lady who swallowed a fly

kitten's first full moon

then we made kitten puppets out of construction paper and popsicle sticks. but alas, no googley eyes because this is now a googley-eye-free zone. le sigh, i wish i had more googley eyes. and now we are dangerously low on construction paper and glue sticks.

after my class visit i was informed that i missed a children's librarian meeting. but get this ... i'm not in trouble. my manager is annoyed at THEM for not telling us of the meeting. ha! i wouldn't go so far as to say she was nice about it. but she isn't mad at me. so that's a good thing. maybe she is trying to loathe me less.

later i will post a pic of the kitten puppet. i made mine to look like a tiger kitten. if only i knew how to blog from my phone.

wine, sun chips, and my new favorite series book

i am in fairly good spirits for a woman on the brink of extinction. although last night i had a bit of a relapse into bad behavior and i drank a few glasses of wine (even though i am not supposed to be drinking this month!) and a large bag of sun chips which i dipped into that preservative-filled gelatinous onion dip that they sell in bodegas that is so full of chemicals it doesn't even need to be refrigerated. yeah, i ate an entire tub of that stuff. but it needed to be done! i did all this while watching the first disc of season 3 of 90210 (donna and brenda are in paris!). anyhoo, it needed to be done. i feel better now. i will not eat anything with hydrogenated oils for a while. let's move on.

here i am back at the library on a saturday morning. a 6th grade girl came in to tell me she lost her card. when i looked her up it turns out she owed $70 in late fees. $70! turns out she took out 2 dvds in december and never returned them, so we are now charging her the full cost of the dvds (plus a processing fee). she tells me she doesn't remember taking out the dvds. so i tell her to go home and look for them because if she finds them and returns them then she will only have to pay late fees, which will be WAY cheaper than paying for the cost of the movies.

i would like to take this opportunity to tell you that this girl used to have a serious attitude problem. i have kicked her out of the library in the past. but then one day she came to a craft program and we discussed the story of hanukkah and we made paper dreidels and i gave out chocolate gelt and now she has turned nice. you see that! you see the power of hanukkah and crafts! anyway, back to my original story.

she leaves and comes back about 15 minutes later with both dvds. turns out her sister "borrowed" her card and took out the dvds. never bothering to tell her or return them to the library. sadly, i see this all the time. its worst when the parents do it to their kids because they've messed up their own card and then move on to mess up their kids' cards. nice!

anyway, now i have her reading down her fines so that she can just read in the library instead of pay money. i asked her "do you know what 'rounding up' means?" she said yes and i explained that i would do a considerable amount of rounding up so that she could get extra credit for her reading time, since it isn't her fault.

i tell her to go get a book and she immediately walks over to the picture books even though she is in 6th grade. urgh, i am so sick of these kids reading below their grade level. so i take her over to the fiction section thinking i will try to sell her on the Sisters Grimm series which is about two sisters who fight fairy tale crimes with their feisty grandmother in upstate ny. i LOVE these books and i can never get anyone to read them. so i ask her, "what types of books do you like to read?" and do you know what she said? do you? can you guess? she said "fairy tales." well, i was so excited. i explained the whole thing to her and now she is sitting reading the sisters grimm.

but these things are not important. why? who cares that i got an inner city girl with low reading scores who used to have a bad attitude but is now a productive polite child to read an age appropriate book?! the real problem is that two weeks ago i missed a day of work due to laryngitis. that's the real crime here.