if i were laid off i would visit my local library

the other day i had off of work because of this or that federal holiday, and i walked by my neighborhood library and i thought to myself, "ooooh, i'll finally go into my local library!" but then i realized that they were closed due to said federal holiday, which was the reason i was able to be there during typical library hours in the first place. ironic, no?

anyway, according to CNN libraries are thriving during these economic crisis times, people getting free internet taking free classes, etc etc. isn't the library swell? so i ask you, why then will our budget most likely be slashed in the coming months?

this leads me to wonder if we will ever get to the point of laying off librarians. i hate to say it, but i'm a little jealous of some of these people getting laid off. please blog readers, don't think i'm crass or tactless. i certainly feel sorry for those people who are supporting familes and really need their jobs and whatnot. but with my beloved bolshevik about to gleefully depart for weeks of travel and adventure, i can't help but daydream about what it would be like if i was out there jobless (banished from the paradise) with nothing but a credit card to sustain me. oh, le sigh.

madness indeed OR i'd like to go to the abigail adams

so we are in what is called "midwinter madness," this is a cutesy way of saying that the library is overrun with children who are all out of school this week. it is complete mayhem. we didn't open until 1 today and in that time i had 50 children doing a scavenger hunt around the library, another 50 kids doing word searches about president's day, and then i taught about 20 kids how to make friendship bracelets out of hemp (he he he ... hemp). i have to say, these kids are not as adept at tying knots in string as my sister and i were at their age. i mean, we were friendship bracelet making machines. these kids were a bit spastic, so i had to add some bling to their bracelets. and when i say bling i mean small colored plastic beads. urgh, i am exhausted.

then, there are a gazillion kids who have these homework packets that need to get done. so this 8 year old kid comes up to me with a 20 page packet of dittos and asks me for help. he has a ditto in which there is a paragraph talking about a fictitious class that is trying to decide where to go on a field trip. then he has to fill in three suggestions of where to go on a field trip and then explain what would happen at said location. this would be easy, except for the fact that this kid doesn't speak english.

urgh.

now, i try my best not to just give out answers willy nilly. i do have ethics, surprising but true, and i believe these kids should figure this shit out themselves. how will they learn otherwise? but i decide to give this kid the first answer, suggesting that maybe the class would like to go to the zoo. "and what would happen at the zoo?" i ask.

blank stares. he has no idea what i am talking about. so i prompt him ... "you'd see animals at the zoo, right?"

oh yes, he nods excitedly, yes that is what would happen at the zoo. so then i ask him to think of somewhere else a class might go. i am thinking things like: museum, circus, aquarium, etc. what does he say? "abigail adams."

okay, that's a bit random. shake it off. so i explain that abigail adams is a person, and that we are looking for the name of a place. "what is a place?" i ask. "any place that people might go to? any place at all?"

"abigail adams," he says again. he is very serious about this. he wants to go to abigail adams. suddenly, i am wondering who the hell is this kid and is he playing a practical joke on me. and if not, how is "abigail adams" the only english phrase he knows? how does that happen? how exactly does an 8 year old hispanic kid only know how to say the name of a long deceased first lady?

so then i give him a second answer, "a museum, right? el museo, si?" i say, prompting him. "a class could go to a museum. and what would they see in a museum?"

and then he looks up at me with his big brown eyes and asks, "the abigail adams?"

and so on and so on until i basically did his entire homework sheet for him. now, i ask you ... did this kid really only know how to say "abigail adams" or was that just an extremely clever way to get me to do his homework for him?

physiognomy?

that's right dear blog readers, i am in the 130s! and i don't mean the Parapsychology & Occultism section.

now, as a WW member i am supposed to weigh myself once a week. however, i prefer obsessively weighing myself every day. that way i can pick up on any weight trends before they get out of control. now, i had stopped this practice for a while since it was so depressing to see my weight not change. but now that i am actually making some progress, i have gotten back into the habit.

so i was SHOCKED this morning when i weighed myself and i had broken past the 140 barrier, into the 130s where i belong. of course i still have a ways to go, but it was certainly very heartening. too bad i ate about 10 mini red velvet cupcakes today at our valentine's party. we'll see what effect this has tomorrow.

i could not, would not with malaria (or anemia)

many of you may remember around this time last year how i confessed to you my love of donating blood. all the sterile medical equipment, little beds, colored gauze, cookies and juice. good stuff! so when our employee blood drive was announced i was quick to sign up. (and you earn 3 hours of vacation time, not including the time it takes to give blood. yay!)

so i arrive to give blood this morning after having a filling breakfast of 2 eggwhites, 1/8 cup of fat free cheddar cheese, atop these fab high fiber flat breads that ms. bitchcakes got me. (one morning i will take a picture of this creation because it is deeee-lish. thanks bitchcakes!) anyway, point is, i was well fed. then i got a cup of tea and hopped on a bus to go give the gift of life!

anyway, after being poked and prodded a bit i was questioned about which foreign countries i have visited in the past year. urgh, this could take a while. let's see: bahamas, england, australia, costa rica, staten island. and then the nurse got all up in arms that i went to costa rica, saying that i may have been exposed to malaria. how dare she! first off, all the costa ricans i was in contact with were quite lovely people and none of them seemed even remotely sick. surely, they were not stricken with malaria. i think i would have noticed. and i have to say, i can be accused of many things: being hivey, being an allergic mess, having "girly" issues ... but i do NOT have malaria. i draw the line there.

so after much complaining on my part the nurse goes off to make some calls on my behalf. after a few minutes she returns and says that given the cities i visited in CR, i am clear to give blood. sweet! so then i am poked and prodded all over again. then she tells me that i am anemic. now, i have had low iron in the past, but i eat like a pound of raw spinach a week thanks to weight watchers so i do not see how i could possibly be anemic. also, i recently got about $900 worth of bloodwork done (i know because said results wound up accidentally getting sent to my biological father's house, where i have never ever lived. but that's a whole other story) anyway, i know my blood is good. any sick person would be lucky to have my blood. so she checks again. and sure enough according to her little blood taking machine, my iron is not high enough to donate blood. then she gives me a helpful sheet telling me that tea and coffee often block the absorption of iron. damn that lite latte i got from dunkin donuts yesterday! (made with skim milk and splenda! only 70 calories!)

so there you have it dear blog readers ... here i sit possibly with malaria and/or anemia ... every day i am not quarantined off from the rest of society is a good day.

that's the weigh it is

so i have gained 2 pounds this week. urgh, that is not supposed to happen! i had lost four pounds! i was so close to getting the little star for losing 5 pounds! i want the star! moreso than that i want to be svelte ... but a star would be nice.

see, the bolshevik had this layoff party (he got laid off. no need to shed a single tear, he's thrilled about it) and i saved up all these points so i could drink lots o' alcohol. but what i didn't take into effect was that the bolshevik would be serving cake. and mashed potatoes. seriously, those two do not go together. and the day after said party i have visions of me sneaking very very small pieces of cake, or taking a little bite of mashed potatoes here and there. but i guess if you do that over and over and over again throughout the course of an evening it begins to add up. and i'm sure the late night tator tots at trash bar didn't help.

they say you shouldn't eat at night. but does it count if you're eating at 4 am? is that still night, or should it be applied to the next day?

best "reference interview" of the day

small child: my mom wants a book about how in china they hit you with sticks (then he begins poking himself repeatedly in the face)
me: say what?!
small child: my mom ... she said she wants you to find her a book about china and how they hit you with little sharp sticks.
me: oh, acupuncture! en ingles o espanol?
small child: spanish
me: sure thing.