show and tell bunnies: a frightful tale (spoiler alert!)

sometimes we get donations here at the library. usually they are crap that no one would ever want. but i've noticed that here at happy new shiny library, we actually get good donations of books that children would actually want to read! it really is a little slice of heaven here.

anyway, so going through some donations i came across this book. it was in excellent condition and i thought that it looked like a nice little story about the stress that is too often induced by show and tell.

but in fact this book is highly revolting! let me explain it to you ...

so this kid who is actually a bunny is buckling under the pressure of show and tell. it's fierce competition and he needs to bring in something good. but sadly he's got a whole lotta nothing. so he goes into his basement and he finds this weird lopsided silky ball. not interesting in and of itself. then he comes up with the plan to put the ball in a box, so no one can see what it is and then they just have to touch it and try to guess what it is. much like that haloween party game where you pass around a bowl of grapes in the dark and try to convince people they're really eyeballs. ah, genius! you have taken something boring and made it intriguing. very clever indeed.

everyone at show and tell thinks this is just fab. one girl exclaims, "ohh, it feels soft like velvet" (that's what she said). sadly though, by the time lunch rolls around the excitement of the silky ball wears off and now people are talking about some other newfangled show and tell item. ah, fame is a fickle friend.

but wait! all is not lost! when the bunny children return back to class they find something is amiss. when they go in for the big reveal to see what the mysterious object in the box was, it turns out that the silky ball is gone. what?! yes, now it is just a box full of spiders. say what?! yeah, it's a box full of effing spiders. the mysterious silky ball was actually a big old sac of spider eggs.

what happens next? do they recoil in horror? do they all scream like little girls, "ahhh, i touched a ball of spiders!" and run away scarred for life. no. they are thrilled. they're all "ooooh. ahhhhh. spiders." and then the teacher teaches an inspired lesson on spiders and thanks bunny boy for bringing in the best show and tell item ever. the end.

um, last i checked it was NOT COOL to bring a box of spiders to school (or the public library. don't get any ideas) this is more revolting than narcoleptic veterans.

am i a swine floozie?

so there have been swine flu outbreaks all over our fair city, forcing several of the local schools to close. now, i am off to belize in less than two weeks and the LAST thing i need is an outbreak of the swiney flu. in response to this we have canceled some of our programs that are more "hands on," we have a barrier up by the desk so the kids can't hang all over us, we're using lots of hand sanitizer, etc etc etc.

then i thought that since the kids are out of school we should put out some stuff to entertain them (please read: keep them away from us) so i printed up some word searches about spring and dinosaurs and astronauts. and then, just for fun, i printed up one about germs. is that wrong? who doesn't want to search for the words like "virus" and "infection?" nonstop fun.

anyway, as strict as i have been about germ warfare i fell victim to cuteness today. this dad came up to me with this super shy little girl hiding behind him. and he told me that he and his daughter were here for the first time yesterday and that his daughter instantly recognized me today because she had seen me "clapping and singing" (at story time) on monday. and then he said that his daughter would really like to hug me, and then he politely asked, "would you mind please giving my daughter a hug?" how can you resist that? i hugged that little girl damnit! she was so freakin cute. and she liked my clapping!

so if i get the swine flu i have no one to blame but myself. i obviously have no self-restraint.

why have i forsaken you?

oh dear blog readers, you have been so faithful to me and yet here i am such a fickle blogger now. oh the shame of it all! why is this so? well, for one i don't have much to complain about anymore. so that's a big chunk of material lost. and then, i am so busy with the children of happy new shiny library that i really cannot blog on the job. which of course i would never do as it would be "time stealing" and is completely reprehensible. and lastly, with most of my writing energies being turned to my novel, i just don't have the passion for the old blog that i used to. le sigh.

but here are some updates for you all before i bid you adieu ...

i rode 25 miles out of the 42-mile 5 Borough Bike Tour. i would have made it the whole way except it was raining pretty bad and at about mile 15 i started to come down with a cold. by mile 20 or so i was completely miserable, and was also realizing that i would soon be near my neighborhood an could easily just go home. so at mile 25 i took a detour to the lovely peter pan bakery and got myself tea and crullers. (i did not know this, but i am actually such a skilled biker now that i can drink tea while riding!) then i proceeded home and got into my pajamas post haste.

now, i was riding the whole time with ms bitchcakes (who made it to the very end!) and when i told her my donut and pj plan she asked me if i was sure i wanted to quit, because i may regret it. while i truly appreciate her concern, i must say that leaving the bike tour was one of my best decisions. it was such a good decision that it made me ponder and recollect my other great decisions in life. here they are (in chronological order):

1. sneaking out of a "dry" lip sync party - my ex fiance and i had been invited to a lip sync party, which would have been fun until we learned too late that there was NO ALCOHOL. we felt trapped and scared (it was terribly awkward being sober and trying to socialize with lip synchers). within minutes of arriving we were dreading ever coming. eventually i came up with the briliant plan that we should pretend that we had forgotten something in the car, and then drive off into the sunset never to return. and once we were in the safety of the car, making our way to a fine drinking establishment, i turned to him and said, "fiance, that was the greatest decsion we have ever made." he wholeheartedly agreed.

2. leaving my ex-fiance - this was a very difficult and painful decision. but i have never regretted it, which i think is the sign of excellent decisions. (he did not wholeheartedly agree with this one)

3. moving to brooklyn - who wouldn't want to live in fab brooklyn? but i pretty much left my whole life behind to start anew, so it wasn't so easy.

4. leaving the bike tour

so since that great decision, i have been in bed for 3 days with a very bad cold. but! silver lining! i have had a serious decrease in appetite and i have lost a couple pounds. not to mention that in my post-weight-watchers non-diet diet, i have also lost a couple pounds ... putting me at 138.6! not too shabby.

and now my dear bloggers, i must return to my bolshevik (oh yeah, the bolshevik is back).

earth day recap

no those are not balls of alien moss. those are my earth krispie treats! they're amazingly similar to rice krispie treats, except they're dyed blue and green and balled into earth shapes. they might look questionable but they tasted good. oh, i am so clever.

so yesterday we had our earth day party, and i was all by my lonesome handling a room full of 40 something kids with only the help of a few teen volunteers. yikes. but it was cool, and we only had one minor injury.

first we played a game called Litter Pick Up, in which the kids must sit in a circle and inside the circle is all sorts of litter: plastic bags, paper towel rolls, etc. then when they hear the word 'go' they must pick up as much litter as possible without leaving their spot. they got surprisingly excited by this and soon utter chaos erupted. i didn't see what happened, but one little girl must have gotten slightly trampled or something and she started crying. then one of my more industrious volunteers gave her a sticker and sent her on her way. game over.

then we played a game called Recycling Sort in which the kids had to stand behind a line and then throw recyclable materials into the proper bins. this was pretty cool and since only one kid was throwing stuff at a time and the rest were lined up behind the line, there were no injuries.

and finally we made a craft, which i don't have pictures of. but it was really cool. basically, we cut out the center of paper plates and decorated it like the earth. then we decorated the outer part of the paper plate and hung them together to make a sort of mobile.

and that was our earth day party.

today we have our last installment of indoor playground. we'll be playing hopscotch. i've had to cancel indoor playground because the kids actually like it TOO much and get totally out of control. maybe i'll bring it back in a few months if they promise to behave.

portraits of miss dewey decimal

as you know, i don't typically post pictures of myself ... need to keep a low profile from all you adoring fans and such. but i couldn't help posting this lovely portrait a little girl did of me. isn't it good? i mean, that looks a lot like me. and i love the detailing on the sweater.

stealing candy and doing kids homework

it has come to my attention that a certain manager of a certain library keeps candy in her office. and not just run-of-the-mill sucking candies ... we're talking quality chocolate. now, i think it is safe to say that it is NOT a good idea to steal candy from your boss. but sometimes it's so busy here and there are so many kids asking me question after question after question. a girl just needs a miniature dark chocolate krackel bar. is that so wrong?

now, for weeks i saw the candy day after day after day. but i did not touch it! then, one day one of the pages offered me a hershey's kiss and i knew it came from said office stash. are we allowed to eat the candy? is it there for us to grab as needed? how do you even broach such a subject.

so ... the other day i was walking past the office and no one was inside and i stole a piece of chocolate! oh the humanity. today, a co-worker was "covering" my desk while i was in a program, and i noticed she had a few pieces of the chocolate next to her. so i ask you, is this communal candy or what?

then, later i had a 3rd grader ask me for help with his homework. he kind of reminded me of my favorite kid from library in the hood. he had these fire prevention dittos that were WAY beyond his understanding. first they would give a scenario, most of them were rather complex, and then they would ask what should be done to prevent a fire. if that wasn't hard enough, then they asked if your solution involved removing 1. heat 2. fuel or 3. oxygen. this was really tough. and if you pour water on a fire are you removing heat or oxygen? aren't you kinda removing both? anyway, it got to the point where it was so difficult that i just started telling him what he should write, and which multiple choice answer he should circle.

but then. oh readers then i got a very bad feeling ... what if this kid catches on fire (as children often do) and he doesn't know what to do? so i repeated several times, "you know if you're in a fire you need to stop drop and roll, right?" and he said oh yes he learned about stopping dropping and rolling. so hopefully he and his family won't be killed by fire because of poor little ol' me. but really, this homework was ridiculous. there were THREE dittos of this.

i fear that my moral compass may be askew without my beloved bolshevik.

stalin, the bolshevik and my glass baby

sometimes when i look kids' records up on the computer i am unclear as to what is their first name and what is their middle name. obviously it should go Last Name, First Name Middle Name. but sometimes it's in the wrong order. so when a young man came up to read down his fines and i looked up his record only to find it read smith, stalin frederick ... i could only assume that this was a mistake. i prayed that this child was really named frederick stalin smith (names have been changed to protect the innocent).

i know i am dating a commie and all, but really ... naming your child stalin? maybe that means something different in latino cultures that i am not aware of? but i digress. young stalin is off in a corner, reading a captain underpants book ...

as many of you may already know, my beloved bolshevik has set off for several weeks of world travel SANS everyone's favorite bibliophile, miss dewey d. so unfair. but before he left, i promised that i would email him my novel (in progress) so that he could read it on the plane on his way to the land down under. this may not seem like a big deal, but it kinda is ...

you see, many moons ago when i first started dating the bolshevik, he had asked me if he could read my novel. and i said, "oh no, you can't see it. it's my baby ... it's fragile." then the bolshevik, being the logician that he is, said that babies are not actually fragile. they're quite resilient. you can drop them even. (note to parents: do not hire the bolshevik as your babysitter) then i changed my stance, saying that my novel was fragile, like glass ... like a glass baby. and since that time i have been rather strict about not letting the bolshevik read my novel.

so last week when i was getting it all together for him i was quite curious to see just how much novel i actually had. well, lo and behold i have 40,000 words! typically, novels start at about 70,000 words. so this means that i am officially half-way done! you see, i've been telling people i'm about half-way done, but i thought i was lying. kind of like when you get so used to adding a half-inch to your height, that you forget you're not actually that height. not that i do that. i'm totally 5'7''. moving on! so it was exciting to see that i actually am half-way through, and not just lying to everyone.

in other news i've been riding my bike to and from work (about 11 miles round-trip) in hopes of returning to the long lost svelteness. there has been little progress on that front. grrrr.

ok, mr. smith came back and his first name is in fact stalin. crazy.

and that is my life.