goodbye asian fusion

miss me? i know you did, bitches.

you're probably all asking yourselves, miss dewey decimal ... where have you been? well, let me start off by saying that anyone who knows me well has had to take me to the emergency room at least once. (or been in a near emergency room visit situation) just part of the fun of being friends with me. yay!

so it was of only moderate shock value when after having dinner with the ladies on saturday night i broke out in massive hives that were threatening to engulf my entire body, leaving me to call upon ms. naked hero to take me to the emergency room. she's a real pal, and is already well-versed in the taking-miss-dewey-decimal-to-the-hospital routine.

and after hours of being in the ER i was sent home, only to wake up two short hours later completely covered in hives again. might i add that at this point i had ingested enough benedryl to tranquilize a small horse. back to the ER. this time to be met up by my dear directionally challenged mother (bless her heart, she made it to the ER eventually).

then after having barely slept, i was whisked away to allergists offices on long island where i was then pumped full of cortisone and given a handful of scripts. then i went back to mom's and watched some cable tv. thank god for project runway. and then the following morning, when i was taking more medications than anyone ever thought possible, i broke out in hives yet again and was whisked away to the allergists for more cortisone. yet again.

since then i have been hiding out at The Paradise (aka my apartment) trying to rest, even though resting is SO boring. i hate resting. yet the meds make me so tired. my silver lining of resting was that i did get to start and finish all 750 pages of Breaking Dawn by stephenie meyer. it was pretty good, a bit trashy, but good. anyway, now i am only slightly exhausted and only breaking out into hives minimally every few hours. yay!

but that is not all dear blog readers! i would not leave you for so long without giving you a good juicy story ... during this period of bed rest, aka house arrest, my relationship with asian fusion came to an end. i know i haven't exactly mentioned asian fusion before, but i've alluded to it all subtle like. anyway, after much hinting from me about how bored i was being home trying to rest, asian fusion did not stop by to visit me. this got me thinking ... if i were dating someone and they had been through a similar ordeal, i would visit them. because that's the kind of nice gal i am. i would at least stop by for a few minutes with some mad libs or one of those activity books with the mystery ink pen. or maybe a book of ny times crossword puzzles. if i had time i might even bring some baked goods. whatevs. you get the idea.

so last night i called asian fusion to discuss with him that i was hurt that he wasn't visiting me in my weakened state. i won't go into the gory details of our break-up, but pretty much he said two things which have stuck with me. and although i said everything that needed to be said, i can't help but have that feeling like i need to say more. luckily, i have learned that it is best not to e-mail your recent ex with additional rants and diatribes, so instead i shall write these things to you, my beloved blog readers. feel free to read on, or maybe you'd rather surf the internets for porn. it's your nickel:

1. he is not ready to be in a relationship - to this i must ask ... then why did you get into a relationship with me? why did you seek me out and try to date me? why did you say you didn't want to see other people? why did you talk to me about riding motorcycles in the mountains and starting a band? why do this if you don't want to be in a relationship. it doesn't make any sense.

and 2. he needs closure with his ex - i have learned much in my 30 years on this earth. and one thing i learned last night is that closure is a fantasy. do we ever have closure? is there ever a point where you can get in the last word and feel okay with the situation? is there really a satisfactory answer to "why don't you love me?" no, there isn't. because closure is a fairy tale.

i like to think i have a way with words, and i have certainly had my share of pithy parting statements, but at the end of the day, what good did it do? life is messy and painful and nothing ever gets tied up in a neat little bow.

with as many strides as i have made getting over the polyamorist, it still stings that he took me for granted the way he did. and even though the nubian god has recently been trying to get into my panties, i realize that i will never get over how he deserted me in my time of need. and although i am drawn to him, i know that there are no words to make up for all that we have done to each other. and likewise, no amount of discussions will ever lead me to understand why the glam rocker acted all cutesy with me, planning out our horoscopes together, only to tell me days later that he wasn't ready for a relationship (and what is it with this not-ready-for-relationship disease that is plaguing our men? does it spread like one of those weird viruses that kills trees?)

i can only assume that it goes the other way too. that there are men out there pondering why i didn't give them a chance. who knows how many sleepless nights my ex-fiance wonders what the hell i was thinking when i handed him back his ring and walked out of his life forever. only one thing is for certain: there is nothing i could have said to make him feel any better about it. because at the end of the day, there's just no nice way of saying "i don't love you the way you want me to."

so forget closure. i say we should just all move on.


xoxo
miss dewey decimal