belize adventures - day one: i fell in love with san pedro

did you even know i went to belize for my birthday? well, i did.

we arrive at the airport for our 6 am flight and at the check-in kiosk we are alerted that we can upgrade to first class for only $100 a person. now i love a deal, especially if it is offered to me by a computer. so i promptly upgrade us to first class, despite the bolshevik's grumblings that i am a "class traitor," as he puts it. really. am i not in a class of my own?

once through security we sit at our gate and watch the news on tv. the big story is that there was an earthquake in honduras, which is near belize. near it. sort of. and i tell you, no sooner than we watch it on the news at 5 am, i get an email from my grandmother warning me of the dangers of going to belize post-earthquake. she advises me to speak to an airport official about potential safety hazards, as if airline personnel are now seismology experts.

in first class the boshevik is completely unimpressed with large seats and omlettes. communists. go figure. i take a nice xanax induced nap.

sadly, by the time we get to belize i am feeling a bit queasy. i blame this on the second leg of our flight when we flew economy. once we are through customs i ever so daintily throw up in the ladies room. classy!

then we take a cab to the water taxi that will take us to san pedro. this is where we experience our first of many transportational breakdowns. we're on this little ferry with about 20 other people crammed in, it's 95 degrees out or something, and every five minutes the boat dies in the middle of the ocean, rocking back and forth and back and forth. needless to say i am not happy.

then we notice this odd couple: a strapping australian man in his late 30s and a more dowdy american woman in her mid to late 50s. the australian man is a self-proclaimed boating expert, and has all sorts of advice for how to get the motors to run. the bolshevik and i debate about what kind of gold digger he might be. but i digress. this stopping and starting, rocking and swaying goes on for about an hour until we finally make it to san pedro.

we walk about a block or two down the main cobblestone street and find our hotel. the bolshevik stands on the balcony looking out at the beach as i curl up in the bathroom tossing my cookies for the second time in one morning (no i am not pregnant).

after a bottle of water and a short nap i am ready to face san pedro. turns out, it's beautiful there. it's all colorful buildings and cute bars and restaurants and bikes and golf carts in the street. the whole thing is about 4 blocks long, so within a few minutes we have quickly explored the whole thing.

strolling around eating ice cream (chocolate banana, with actual banana chunks!), we discuss potential activities. oh, and did i mention that it is seriously %&@#ing hot in belize? ridiculously hot. like, constantly drenched in sweat hot.

so we pass this pavillion of sorts and there are these guys selling tours, and i stop and chat with them and i'm all "we're from new york, oh yes belize is lovely ..." and the bolshevik just keeps walking. "what's wrong with your boyfriend?" the tour guy asks me. "we won't bite."
"oh," i explain, "he's from brooklyn. he doesn't trust friendly people." and then i book us a night-time snorkeling tour.

so we take this boat with a few other people to a marine reserve. now, when i hear that we're taking a boat somewhere, i assume we are actually going to a place. but instead the boat just stops in the middle of the ocean. at night. and i turn to the bolshevik and say "don't leave me!" did anyone see the movie Open Water? terrifying. anyway, we're given little waterproof flashlights and we swim around in the middle of the ocean and we see eels and sting rays and little tropical fish. it's pretty cool. and soon it's really dark and i'm swimming around and i notice that where i'm swimming it's really really dark without my flashlight, and then all of a sudden i see a motor and i realize i'm swimming into the bottom of the boat. oops.

we make it back to shore and have dinner at a cute little restaurant on the beach. and thus ends our first day in belize.