Friday, December 21, 2007

things you can't do in the library: kick people

man, i am SO strict. can you believe how strict i am?
a guy and a girl are running around the library. the guy seems to be holding something the girl wants. the girl, might i add, is similar in shape to a linebacker and is easily double the guy's size. as i begin yelling at them to stop, the girl steps back and high-kicks the guy straight in his ass. he literally jumped several feet into the air from the kick. it was amazing. had i seen it on the street i would have totally high-fived that girl. however, it happened in the library.
so i yell at them both that they both must leave the library immediately. there is much whining and belly-aching about things not being fair and he stole this and that's not really hers, blah blah blah. don't care, don't want to get involved.
about 15 minutes later the girl comes back. this is unacceptable. no one returns once i kick them out for the day, NO ONE!
she begins to tell me that although she is kicked out she has come to explain herself to me. fine. i listen. she tells me that the boy stole something from her.
"yes," i say, "i saw. but then you kicked him really hard. you can't kick people in the library."
"but he stole from me."
"yes, but if you had told me i could have spoken to him. instead you kicked him. you can't do that. it doesn't matter what he did. YOU cannot hit or kick people."
i mean, the girl totally assaulted him. this was no little kick. it was, dare i say, an ass whooping.
"but he stole from me."
"yes, but if you told me i could have done something about it. but you didn't. you took matters into your own hands. its never okay to kick people."
"but he stole from me!"
and now she is getting very loud and getting all up in my face and i wonder if she will wait for me by my car when i leave.
"you need to leave. you can't kick people. if you have a problem with someone you come to me. you can't kick people."
this goes on and on back and forth and eventually she storms out yelling about how he stole from her and i am yelling at her back about not kicking people.
then my page looks at me and says, "you okay? you look really angry today."
am i angry? or am i just a devoted soldier in the war against kicking?
p.s. she was not waiting for me when i got to my car later.


fifi said...

Miss, Dewey Decimal, Miss, Dewey Decimal! Is it okay to kick someone when he or she is down? Or are you completely against vigilante ass-kicking?

The Dewey Decimal Mistress said...

let me elaborate. i am all for vigilante ass-kicking. just not in the library. vigilante ass-kicking is for "the streets" ... and maybe public parks. but not the library!