born to read

this is my very literate niece ... isn't she adorable?! i bought her that shirt at ALA. librarians really know how to merchandise.

classy!

today i had my first class visit. now let me tell you a little bit about me and public speaking. i hate it. i hate public speaking. yet, i am surprisingly good at it once i get starting. but the build up is nerve wracking. anyway, so i was dreading this class of fifth graders coming to visit. but then when they got here ... it was SO NICE! they were lovely well-behaved little children who asked pertinent smart questions and they didn't act up at all. and get this ... they like books! so i booktalked a bunch of books (without practicing) and then the kids excitedly picked out books from the books which i booktalked! yay! then they all got library cards and checked the books out!
AND, i am leaving early today. so in a half hour when all the bad annoying kids come in from school I WILL BE OUT OF HERE! i will pick up my dry cleaning and then i will go to the gym and then i will make sangria and then i will eat dumplings.
FRIDAY!

why i will never reproduce

half the floor is covered in sunflower seeds
the other half is covered with broken crackers which are slowly being ground into our new rug
there's no eating in here
kicked out a girl for repeated shouting
kicked out a girl for throwing things
kicked out a mentally handicapped boy for hitting kids
yelled in an authoritative voice i didn't know i had
kicked out the mentally handicapped boy when he came back and hid behind the computers
used the phrase, "you think that's funny?!"

my adventures with captain caveman

after a lovely yom kippur weekend on strong island i come home and my roommate invites me out to a local watering hole for a few drinks. of course this place is packed with annoying hipsters celebrating a recent kickball league triumph. but luckily this place serves drinks in large styrofoam to-go cups so we have our drinks outside. now, i don't know what it was, maybe female intuition, but i just KNEW that we would meet eligible men on this autumn night. so there we are, a bunch of cute single girls, sitting on a park bench, drinking beer out of large styrofoam cups. who could ask for anything more?
and then we see him. ooooh, ladies watch out! he was across the park from us riding his bike wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts and a strange satchel hanging around his neck. his scraggly beard ending somewhere between his nipples and his bellybutton. it was hard to tell where his mane of hair ended and the beard began.
he rode by a few times, showing off his moves. my roommate and i exchanged glances. we knew we would not escape without talking to him.
so first he approaches and tells us how expensive his bike is. he speaks with a thick eastern european jewish accent. then he shows us how his front tire is bent. oh, the tragedy.
finally he starts asking us where we are from and we all, in unison, lie and say we are not from around here. then he asks us if we are jewish and we all say no, including me and my jewish friend. my jewish friend quickly tells him that she is a born again muslim. then tells him to leave us alone. from that point on he refers to her as the very rude muslim.
i honestly cannot recall what we discussed but i somehow convinced him to allow me to take his picture. he has covered his face so that the papparazzi can't recognize him. then he shows me a digital camera he "found" in the park and i teach him how to use it. he is not quick to pick it up, even after we take a few test shots.
then all at once, possibly the pack mentality in effect, we all decide it is time to return to the bar. which we do. and he rides off into the sunset. and that was my sunday night.

Bad Attitude on Yom Kippur

happy yom kippur everyone! my mother and i are about to leave for starbucks to equip ourselves for a contemplative morning on the beach.
ha ha suckers! i bet some of you are actually in temple!

if nothing else, i at least know where my googley eyes are

before my amaing transformation of this walk-in closet, when you opened the doors a small avalanche of crafty items would cascade down upon you. but no more! to the left is the shelving unit i stole from the basement. it now houses our collection of board games. the top two shelves have various papers: regular paper, card stock, tissue paper and oak tag. the unit on the right has two clear plastic shelving drawers that contain all sorts of crafty goodness: pipe cleaners, foam shapes, glue sticks, colored cotton balls, markers, etc. each drawer is labeled with its contents. then on the bottom tier we have my collection of hand puppets. never know when you might need a hand puppet. and then the middle shelf has more markers, crayons, oragami paper and instructions, etc. popsicle sticks and a large bucket of beads are stowed above the plastic drawers, and several bags of stuffing are shoved in between the two units, along with a large tub of sidewalk chalk which i can't imagine i'll ever use. look upon my craft closet in all its glory!!!

more zany chair bloopers

1. i am sitting at the children's desk and i hear a ruckus ... things falling and clattering and whatnot. i look over to see a 10 year old boy on the ground next to an overturned chair. i asked what happened and he said, "i tripped over the chair. i didn't see it there." obviously he didn't spot it because it is so minuscule.

2. again, sitting at the children's desk and i hear a ruckus ... i look up to see an 11 year old girl on the floor in front of the computer station. i ask what happened and she said, "i feel off this damned chair." she then went on to imply that the chairs were not only small, but extra slippery.