my adventures with captain caveman

after a lovely yom kippur weekend on strong island i come home and my roommate invites me out to a local watering hole for a few drinks. of course this place is packed with annoying hipsters celebrating a recent kickball league triumph. but luckily this place serves drinks in large styrofoam to-go cups so we have our drinks outside. now, i don't know what it was, maybe female intuition, but i just KNEW that we would meet eligible men on this autumn night. so there we are, a bunch of cute single girls, sitting on a park bench, drinking beer out of large styrofoam cups. who could ask for anything more?
and then we see him. ooooh, ladies watch out! he was across the park from us riding his bike wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts and a strange satchel hanging around his neck. his scraggly beard ending somewhere between his nipples and his bellybutton. it was hard to tell where his mane of hair ended and the beard began.
he rode by a few times, showing off his moves. my roommate and i exchanged glances. we knew we would not escape without talking to him.
so first he approaches and tells us how expensive his bike is. he speaks with a thick eastern european jewish accent. then he shows us how his front tire is bent. oh, the tragedy.
finally he starts asking us where we are from and we all, in unison, lie and say we are not from around here. then he asks us if we are jewish and we all say no, including me and my jewish friend. my jewish friend quickly tells him that she is a born again muslim. then tells him to leave us alone. from that point on he refers to her as the very rude muslim.
i honestly cannot recall what we discussed but i somehow convinced him to allow me to take his picture. he has covered his face so that the papparazzi can't recognize him. then he shows me a digital camera he "found" in the park and i teach him how to use it. he is not quick to pick it up, even after we take a few test shots.
then all at once, possibly the pack mentality in effect, we all decide it is time to return to the bar. which we do. and he rides off into the sunset. and that was my sunday night.