so many girlfriends, so little time

i got a call from everyone's favorite group home resident, the ever-so talented and charming EJ. EJ was telling me of his woes. he has known a lot of girls, wink wink. he has had so many girlfriends, but none of them have worked out. i can only wonder why. today, EJ was looking for social groups where men and women might go on "outings" in order to date. "like, singles events?" i ask cautiously. this pleases EJ, "yes!" he shrieks, "that's it exactly. singles events. i asked my aides to help me but they said they're too busy. i need singles events!" so i explained to him this newfangled thing we have called online dating and i told him to sign himself up on match or eharmony. (ha ha suckers with match or eharmony profiles!) he seemed a bit confused, and he asked if he could call information if he needed help. i, of course, doing my civic duty and wishing to spread the joy around, assured him that calling information would be an excellent thing for him to do if he required additional assistance. so, if you are an operator for 411 or you are an on-line dater and you happen across a man who is studying for his GED, waiting impatiently for his videos on 70s rock so he can be on jeopardy, and is currently single (that's right ladies!) ... it may just be the industrious, illustrious EJ.