oh what a ridiculous morning(s)

this week has been my week to "do the papers." as much as i hate doing the papers i do enjoy having that extra ten minutes to possibly add in something extra to my morning routine. preferrably some little treat that will make me happy.

due to the economic downturn, i have decided i can no longer purchase my beloved #6 combo at dunkin donuts: veggie eggwhite flat with a medium tea. i also wonder if my beloved #6 combo may have played some part in my recent weight gain (please read: unsvelteness). it is on the heart smart menu ... how could it be bad?

moving on ... yesterday i went to dunkin donuts anyway, because i had to get the papers and my throat was sore and i thought that an eggwhite flat might make me feel better. here is how this should go:

1. park car, pay meter
2. run into Te Amo and buy newsday, ny times, daily news and ny post
3. cross street run into dunkin donuts and purchase breakfast

4. return to car and drive to work

i get ten extra minutes to do the papers, and i have found that i can do all these steps in said alloted ten minutes. however, it's tight and there is no room for any unforeseen events. no wiggle room at all.

so i return to my car to see a large tropicana truck double parked half in front of me, half beside me. i would have been able to maneuver around this had a stupid SUV not double parked behind me. now, i can accept that due to the nature of brooklyn streets and the need to deliver stuff, large delivery trucks often have to double park. but SUV Man, you are just an asshole.

the man in the tropicana truck tried to back up so that i could squeeze ahead of him, turns out there was another delivery truck double parked in front of him. and as though i was watching in slow motion, i see the tropicana truck back right into the SUV. but damned, that SUV just bounced right back. for the most part. then one of the drivers came out and he gave all sorts of hand signals, directing me and the tropicana truck and eventually i got out of my spot. during this time, SUV Man returned and was not pleased to see his car had been dented. although, given how hard the tropicana truck hit him he really is lucky to still have an SUV at all. and miraculously i made it to work on time.

so that was yesterday.

then this morning i leave the house an extra ten minutes early, giving me a total of twenty extra minutes, and i decide to go into greenpoint so i can stop at my bank and not pay an atm fee. i go to my bank, then i stop at the polish newspaper shop and buy the papers. and then my little treat for myself was that i went to this bagel place that has a breakfast combo of oatmeal and a medium drink. i happen to love real oatmeal (not the stuff that comes from a packet) . so i got an oatmeal with honey and raisins and a tea all for like $3 and change. (this led me to the crazy idea that i could go to a food store and purchase oatmeal, honey and raisins and actually prepare this in my own home. shocking.)

but then i had my little upset. since i had no quarters on me this morning, i had to park kind of far away. this was my big time killer. so i speed walked back to my car with one bag of hot tea and hot oatmeal, and another bag of newspapers. then all of a sudden my foot slips out from under me and in order to save myself from falling (and to save my super cute dress from getting dirty) i do a sort of split, one leg going behind me and one leg crashing down onto the asphalt in front of me. of course several people witnessed this and everyone was asking me if i was okay, and i tried to brush it off as suavely as possible. oh yes, i'm fine. this is just how i walk. i like to do a little split every so often and then go about my way.

i had a sense of some sort of unfairness at play. as proven before, i do in fact know how to walk. so why did i suddenly lose control of my legs? then i look down and i see the culprit. a large piece of smashed pumpkin lying in the street, slicking the surface for innocent pedestrians. that's right, i slipped on a pumpkin and skinned my knee.

so when i got to library in the hood i was five minutes over the alloted time for getting the papers. however, people were very amused by my pumpkin slipping story and didn't seem to notice my tardiness. phew. getting the papers is tough work.