Saturday, June 16, 2007

hell's library: we hate dogs and peanuts

these people are insane!

ok, now that i've gotten that out of my system. a man comes into the library walking a medium sized dog on a leash. (what's with the dog theme today?) i look over at the circulation clerk and we roll our eyes at each other. i approach the man and politely say "excuse me sir, i'm sorry, but there are no animals allowed in the library." easy enough, right? of course not. the man turns to me, and immediately i know i am entering into a fight.

so crazy ass patron looks at me and says "you stand here and listen while i tell you this." whoa. dude, you have already pushed me too far. gloves are off now. "i have been coming to the library for years and the library has always welcomed dogs."

i cheerfully explain that it is against library policy to have animals of any kind in the library unless they are service animals. you know, like a guide dog or something.

then he goes on and on about how some librarian a million years ago said he could bring his dog here and i couldn't possibly know what i'm talking about.

so i tell him that i will gladly show him the brochure of the library's rules and policies in which it clearly states that no animals are allowed. so i do that. helpfully circling the rule in bright blue pen so he can't miss it. aren't i helpful?

but he keeps going. it is just so unfair that his dog is not allowed in the building. so i state the many reasons why it is a bad idea to have a dog in the library: it's unsanitary, a dog could bite a person, many people are allergic to dogs, etc. can you believe i even have to say these things to a grown man?

somehow, i have touched on a hot button issue because as soon as i say "allergic" he gets all rowdy accusing me of "being one of those people who would ban peanuts from schools just because one kid is allergic." now, if there is one thing i hate it is a person who does not understand the gravity of nut allergies. so i explain to him that as a person who goes into anaphylactic shock when i eat a nut (although i am actually only allergic to walnuts) i completely understand why peanuts are banned from schools. he looks at me as though i am wholly evil and unamerican for saying this. like i'm banning apple pie as opposed to trying to save children from peanut-induced death.

he storms off in a huff, tethering his dog outside. but then he comes back to fight some more with me. and i stand firm that it is totally appropriate to ban animals from a library, explaining that most buildings do not allow animals in them. then he asks, outraged, "what's next?! are you going to ban dogs from the sidewalk?!" yes. i have that power. i will ban dogs from the sidewalk. and then i will ban people who walk too slow. for his finale, he states, "it's not the rule itself, but the fact that you enjoy enforcing it so much." what do you want me to do asshole, shed a single tear over the injustice of it all? just take your dog outside.


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