Friday, January 18, 2008

goodbye crackhead

beloved blog readers, i know it is hard to believe, but i am not perfect. this morning although i left on time i did not leave early enough. so when i hit bumper to bumper traffic due to an accident on the grand central i was 10 minutes late to my meeting with mr. higher up. i called to alert him of my impending lateness, as i feel that is the professional thing to do, but i think it was the nail in my library-in-da-hood coffin.
anyway, i pleaded my case like a trooper. i explained my situation in a highly professional manner, hitting on three main points.
1. there are severe philosophical differences between me and the manager (please read: the manager is mean and i am not)
2. i get sick and then use sick time. is this actually against library policy?
3. it has come to my attention that the manager criticizes my job performance to other employees, but does not discuss these issues with me. (please read: the manager talks shit behind my back)
anyway, here is what went down:
mr. higher up said that he was there to listen to what i had to say. but at the same time i should know that most likely no immediate action would be taken as he would need to speak to others, and that i should be warned that most likely i would not get any instant satisfaction from the meeting. fine.
on point1 he said that although he and i share the same philosophy (
ie non-meanness) if the manager wants to be mean to people she can because she is the manager.
on point 2 he said that i can be penalized for using sick time even if it is documented, if said sick time use gets in the way of branch functions. he said he would look into this matter and report back to me.
on point 3 he was very concerned about the trash-talking and agreed that it is unacceptable and he will be looking into it.
he also said that he has been told by the manager that i am chronically late (untrue!) and that i am unreliable due to illness. he said it didn't help that i was late to my own meeting. (damned it! why didn't i leave even earlier?)
then he said that the branch librarian "isn't going anywhere." so there go my dreams of me staying at library in the hood and her packing her bags. he also said that i cannot transfer until
june, when my one-year probation is up.
so what does this mean?
i think i am not a good fit for the library-
bureaucracies. in the end i always think, "but i do a such a good job!" and sadly the Bureaucracy sees things differently. a highly devoted youth services librarian is not of value to them if she has a sinus problem and is too self-confident to sell herself short.
so today as i was walking up to the branch thinking of where i will be sending my resumes to, i ran into our local crackhead. we really only have one crackhead here and she's very nice. sometimes she comes in with white lips and takes a nap at our tables, but usually she's pretty alert. i said hi, and she said "hey baby!" and i walked into the library thinking, "i will miss that crackhead."

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