Wednesday, January 23, 2008

there is a mouse in my house

please note that this is not actually the mouse that is in my house, nor is this my stove. this is a dramatization of the frightful tale you are about to read:
i come home with the intention of working on my "novel" right after i eat some dinner. so i am sitting on my couch scarfing down ziti my grandma sent home with me, and i hear a rustling. at first i did not know what the rustling was, but it appeared to be coming from a plastic bag that my roommate had left on top of our stove. it seemed like this was just random rustling, maybe from a breeze from our poorly insulated windows. whatevs. so i continue scarfing said ziti. but this rustling noise continues. everytime i look up to investigate it, it stops, but i am beginning to get suspicious. then suddenly, i see tail. mouse tail. poking out of the plastic bag. what do i decide to do? scream like a little girl. yup. screaming like a little girl was the most useful thing i could think of to do with myself at that moment.
after screaming like a little girl i decided to devise a plan. this plan would include me quickly picking up the plastic bag with the mouse inside. then i would put this plastic bag into a larger plastic bag, you know, just for good measure. and then i would take the plastic bag and throw it in the garbage outside. so i do this, making girly yelping noises the entire time. but i make it to the garbage and i begin to feel rather proud that i handled the situation so well.
i return to the couch and for a few moments i think everything is ok. and that is when i see it. the little gray mouse is now sitting right on top of my stove. and of course this time there is no plastic bag or anything to use to pick it up without having to touch it. so what do i do? i grab my phone so i can take a picture. yet another effective and useful decision whilst enduring a crisis. but sadly the mouse was too quick for me so i was unable to get a picture.
and then the mouse did the most god awful thing ever. he jumped into the hole where the burner is, peeked his head out for one split second, you know just to taunt me, and then he disappeared. DISAPPEARED!
at this point, i had to call in some back up. so i txted my roommate to see if she had any ideas of what to do. we decided it would be best to turn on the stove and see if we could "smoke" the mouse out. so i turned on all four burners at once and had the flames on high in hopes that the mouse would get so hot that he would have to run out. but alas this did not happen.
finally, i came up with a very primitive mouse trap ... i have placed half a piece of bread on the stove, and the other half in a plastic bag nearby. i am hoping the mouse will come out of the stove and into the plastic bag. but i've been sitting here about 2 hours now and there has been no sign of the mouse.
i don't know if i can live here anymore. i may need a new apartment. seriously, if there is a mouse in the stove, what other things are lurking here. it's probably best not to ask.

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

I feel your pain. I had a mouse once, but he came inside when I left my patio door open. I did catch him in a quart-size soup container though.

Miss Dewey Decimal said...

ah, the old soup container trick. nice one. i'll have to try that if the mouse returns. this morning i found the remnants of my bread trap.

*Bitch Cakes* said...

I should lend you my cat. He has never encountered a REAL mouse but his favorite activity is chasing his fake mice (which he is doing right now). Something tells me he would love to play with a real one. And by play, I mean destroy...