warding off illness as well as evil spirits

today i had off from work and it had been my original plan to volunteer at a writing conference during the day and then at night, mr. katz and i would go to a met game (did i tell you i got free mets tickets at work? it was very nice of them. i like free things.) but then last night i came home from work and as the evening progressed i soon became afflicted with a level of sinus congestion that i can only describe as being "of biblical proportions." and then my very educated mother suggested that maybe, after being sick for an entire fortnight, that i might want to maybe just possibly consider seeing someone about this. that someone being a medical professional. so that dear blog readers is how i spent my day off. not at a fancy pants writing conference or at a met game, but at the doctor's office. oh how life is unfair, let me count the ways.

so i went to my ear nose and throat specialist (that's right! i see a specialist!) and unfortunately my regular doctor wasn't in so i had to see someone else who is unfamiliar with my tragic series of chronic illnesses. so this someone else was kind of impressed by illnesses. "so you're sick now and you were sick back in december?" yes! i said proudly. and i didn't even mention how i was also sick in january and in march, but i just didn't feel like coming in.
then she looked at my throat and was a bit amazed by not only how irritated my throat was but also that this has been going on for some time and i've just been trying to ignore it.

then she asked what i do for a living to be sick so often. maybe she thought i was a coal miner or that i worked with asbestos. so i tell her i work with children and then she says that i really need to work harder at fighting off illness. oh really? well, i was a bit offended by that remark. so i tell her how i have an excellent diet and i don't smoke and i exercise regularly and i take vitamin C daily (and i am now officially also taking vitamin B just for the hell of it) and i use hand sanitizer. what else should i be doing? maybe i should be wearing an amulet? or perhaps i need to surround myself with crystals? (i once dated this guy who told me his mom had all of her tap water run through crystals before drinking it. i was very impressed with this, imagining she had some brita like device but made with big shiny crystals and this would somehow cut down on the mercury levels in tap water. but then he said she did it so that she could get the "power" of the crystals into her drinking water. then i said something terribly clever like "uh-huh.")

so then the doctor tells me that i should use a neti pot. do you know what this is? its like a very little tea pot and you use it to pour water through your nose and it clears out your sinuses. now, i am sure that this is a fabulous idea but i don't think this is some obvious solution that i have overlooked and warrants me being chastized. so i agree to the neti pot. why not? my evening routine has gotten so long anyway, why not add on pouring warm saline solutions through my nostrils. i will do this after taking out my contacts and brushing my teeth, but before exfoliating and moisturizing. check!

then the doctor tells me that i should really be doing something for my allergies. "you mean besides taking singulair and asteline daily?" i ask. then she looks at my chart and sees that my story adds up. then she congratulates me on dealing with my allergies properly. which was nice, i appreciate that she is acknowledging my effort (a while back i even purchased a weekly pill holder. you know, those ones for old ladies that have each day of the week on them? yup, that is how committed i am!)

then she tells me that i should take antibiotics, drink fluids, blah blah blah. and then, and i loved this part, she tells me that eventually i will become immune to the germs of the little ones. "really?" i ask, "when?"

"oh," she says, "it usually takes about five years."

great.